Feeling really down today. Have had to fill out all the paperwork for the next bit of the rotation in August, including changing my next of kin, writing separated in all the marital status boxes, and looking out all the documents that prove who I am and what I've done.
It's been incredibly painful. I kept coming across little notes left by the WAW in years past, old cards from Valentine's/Birthday/Xmas that I just can't bring myself to throw away.
It is nearer every passing minute to the time I have to work with the OW for about 30 hrs out of my 48hr week. I don't know how I'm going to manage it. I feel like they are lording it over me. Grinning smugly and sitting at home telling everyone "look at poor sad Leesa, running off to the Antarctic, can't get a girlfriend because she's such an unattractive person. But look at us. We're perfect. We have everything. We are true soulmates and there was no other option than to end that bad, soulless, unhappy marriage."
I know none of that is true. But it still hurts that I know they're thinking it.
I think there probably always was little point in trying to bust a divorce between 2 people that have only been married such a short time, with no kids, and infidelity involved. Nothing that can or could've been done. Nothing but to try and save myself from being swallowed up by the need for revenge, for them to hurt just a little bit, to feel a tiny proportion of what they dealt me.
The world is a terribly unfair place. Where bad things happen to good people, and being an immoral, cruel, heartless pair of b1tches merely gets you your dream home, family and life of happiness.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
