Here's the infidelity play in three acts that we've all been reluctantly dragged into:
Act I: The Affair
*Your wife is very unhappy with HERSELF.
*But rather than look inward, she concludes that YOU are the reason for her unhappiness. She decides to stray and justifies her actions by telling herself that since YOU'RE the reason for all her problems, it's okay because she's not a bad person, she a good person with a bad spouse.
*The affair begins, and the taboo and the secrecy makes her feel *alive* for the first time in ages. She's sneaking around and pulling one over on you, the "cause" of all her problems (in her mind), and it feels GOOD to both have a new relationship AND to get back at you like this.
*Because she's acting so strangely, you discover the affair.
Act II: Discovery
*She's shocked that you were smart enough to figure it out and tries to lie her way out of it. When that doesn't work, the bargaining begins. WS wants both of you because you both supply things she needs: OP supports her emotionally, you support her financially or with status, home, kids, etc. WS tries to cake eat.
*If OP is using WS and has no future plan with them, they will continue the affair as long as it gives them what they want. If they stop getting what they want or it becomes difficult, they're gone.
*If OP puts the pressure on WS to end the marriage but WS doesn't want to, WS withdrawals from OP and affair ends.
*If BS puts the pressure on WS to end the affair and WS doesn't want to, they withdrawal from BS and want to end the marriage.
*Publically exposing an affair shames and embarrasses a WS and makes them go ballistic. They blame the BS for embarrassing them, not themselves for misbehaving. (Even Al Capone didn't think he deserved criticism).
QuickSilver, YOU ARE HERE.
Act III: Resolution
Either:
*Affair ends. WS and OP both go through withdrawal and depression. Not pretty. WS and BS may either reconcile or divorce depending on the damage done and the level of commitment to rebuild marriage.
*Marriage ends. WS wants to be with OP more than they want to be with BS. 1% success rate for marriages that began as affairs. WS, BS, and OP all end up empty-handed.
So, as painful as it is QS, you have just forced a resolution by exposing the affair and pushing this saga into Act III.
The words she's saying, the venom she spewing, the threats she's making -- are all because in HER mind, YOU'RE the reason for her unhappiness, YOU'RE the reason she ran around, and YOU'RE the mean, mean man for causing all this upheavel in her life with the exposure and OM hasty exit. That NONE of this would have happened if she'd not strayed is COMPLETELY beside the point (in her mind).
If she gets away from YOU, all her problems will be solved. She will be FREE.
But she'll realize soon enough that "freedom" isn't all it's cracked up to be. She may run out of money before you sell the house in this economy. Her parents may get tired of paying her bills. She may hit the dating circuit and realize it doesn't have the answers she seeks.
The point is, this may or may not be the end of your marriage. You don't know yet. You've just now moved into Act III. There are a lot more scenes to play and a lot more self-discovery that needs to happen before you can roll the end titles on this story.
Give her time and space to discover that you're NOT the problem. SHE is. It may take weeks, it may take months. Or, if she refuses to grow up, it may never happen at all. You just don't know yet.
But one thing is for certain: NEVER make BIG decisions in the heat of anything - passion, fear, or anger. You WILL regret it. Take time and allow cooler heads to prevail.
