Waiting More Than a Dozen Years

[TeaEarlGreyHot]

Virginia:

Who I am (or more accurately, who I say I am) is not a static way of being. It may appear static since certain aspects of that conversation of who I say I am is an ongoing, repeating conversation. And yes, it is "just because" though I doubt you chose your words with the intention of demonstrating this.

"Just because"

Just be...cause.

Just be the cause in your life, not in a passive way, but as an act of choice.

There are core components that I see as unchanging (or no reason to change). One of them is this: I shall maintain the sexual fidelity to my marriage. I don't have to hold this view, and judging from what I've observed, it isn't a "requirement" of marriage.

It is a requirement for me and I would be the first one to admit that beyond the marriage vows and certain legal issues, it is a self-imposed choice. My personal experience, at several points along the course of my life inform me as to how destructive the lack of fidelity is.

As for my promise around not threatenting to leave...well, that too is much more consistent with who I say I am. The willingness to just give up and walk away was a product of the dissloution of my first marriage. I loved my first wife beyond all reason and I hung in there to give her as much an opportunity to find her way back to me. The work I did to sort my life out made no difference to her.

She didn't find her way back.

And one way of looking at that was "all that wasted time" such that the fallout was if it wasn't working, walk away. And although I knew that to have the threat mean anything, I had to be willing to carry it out, I was also able to acknowledge that it did not help in providing a level of stability at that time.

Is there a scenario where I would walk? Yes, but there would be no threat...it would happen with no warning. But there has always been a point where I just walk away by just giving up.

And that is the other point about myself: I don't like or embrace the idea of "just giving up" even when I can say I've done everything I could consistent with my core being.

The way that has manifested itself is a sexless marriage of her choice, not mine, even if a large portion was and has been as a result of her medical conditions.

The Captain