Only believe what he does n not what he says. I hate that quote because I hope it is not true. People mess up. You sound like a nice person. I do like "stand your ground" although people are different. When my ex used to tell me that I was destroying her heart because of the things I was doing or saying it would make me feel so guilty. I might not be that nice at the time but I would come around quickly. But that was just me, and I loved her. The thinking that the book says is to leave him alone, make him miss you. Maybe that is what he needs. OW, yes that hurts but it doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. He may or may not. It usually is an ego builder. I went out with other women. Not one was as pretty as my ex. I was trying to get over her and all they did was make me think about her. Why am I saying this-because if there is OW is doesn't mean he does not love you. It may or may not. It really doesn't mean anything about his feeling towards you. Means he is a coward for not fixing his marriage, best thing you could do is not contact him. Let him think about his feelings, let him decide, you want someone that wants you, cares about you don't you? That has to be his decision and you really can't influnence that choice right now. It is is choice. I know it stinks, patience is hard to have. It would be so much easier to call. Nothing good can come of this. He will lie and that will damage things later. Let the guy pick what he wants. I am sure you have read the set him free posts. I am trying with all my heart to do this but I have been weak and it has set things back. I hope you are stronger. I will pray for you and your marriage. I am not a coach so you have to decide what to do. I wrote this so that you can read a semi long post and you that should take your fingers off the phone. There is nothing that you can do by texting or calling that is going to fix anything today. I am sorry that you are in crisis mode. I am sorry that you have to go through this. I know that it sucks. People are here at this very site for you. Try not to worry about OW. Being jealous is natural but not productive. Sorry, I wished I could tell you exactly what to do to get this guy to come around. I would do just about anything to make my ex come around. But that is the wrong part-I can't do or say anything that will help-it is their choice, their decision and their heart that has to be affected and there is nothing that you can do other than work on your own self to be a better person and keep your sanity. Only you can controll the last too things, they are only things that you can do. Best of Luck. I hope this man comes around and saves his marriage. All is not lost because of another women. There is no history between them. It is an ego building thing for him more than likely. Don't let it eat away on you. Easier said than done. Best of Luck again and I am sorry that you are having to go through this. Jeff
Thank you so much Jeff. It helps. It is just that H and I have been together since high school...we only know each other. I must admit that when I went to university I did some silly things but I never slept with anyone and would never do that to him. All I want to do right now is go out and find the first person to bang! It is totally pathetic I know but I just want him to hurt they way that I am. I should just go to bed but I know that in just an hour he will be with her. It is making me sick. I think I know where she must live. I want to confront her but I know again it will do no good. I think she has a kid so now I know why he never wants another kid. He must be thinking of leaving me for her. He is calling her the pet names he used to call me. It is just gut wrenching. I just vomitted. I feel dizzy!
M=42 H=51 Common-law 6yr Children: 11yr old daughter (previous marrIage) 6yr old son Bomb dropped January 2013
I am starting to believe what he says. He says he respects me as a person but doesn't love me. Of course he doesn't b/c he is "in love" or rather "in infatuation" with someone else! Why wouldn't he just fess up when my cousin saw him and when my uncle saw him. I confronted him and he still denied! It is so pathetic
M=42 H=51 Common-law 6yr Children: 11yr old daughter (previous marrIage) 6yr old son Bomb dropped January 2013
I don't know right now. Just finding out that he has 4 sure been having an affair is a giant blow. Seeing the texts is devastating. It is making me so sick. I should have known I am just so stupid for trusting him. I knew in my heart and now I have the proof. I am not sure I can forgive him. I am not sure he wants me at all. If u have read my posts you will know that it is much more....gambling into $50K debt, never home, has told me he hates me, won't have any kind of relationship...won't even hold my hand. The last time we had sex was on his birthday and he just lay there and then made me use a condom for the first time in years....I think it must be b/c he is screwing her without one.
M=42 H=51 Common-law 6yr Children: 11yr old daughter (previous marrIage) 6yr old son Bomb dropped January 2013
((((((((bg)))))))) Ok, I haven't read all of your posts, but... yuck!
OK, even if you did run out and bang the first thing that came across your path, it wouldn't have the effect you are hoping for, so lets go ahead and get that thought out of your head.
I don't think that there is any question that the 48 hour rule before you do a thing makes a lot of sense.
Thank you this is helping. I know I need to just go to bed. How am I going to do that though? He will be home and may get into the bed with me. How can he still sleep in the same bed. I guess that is what the pillow between us if for!
M=42 H=51 Common-law 6yr Children: 11yr old daughter (previous marrIage) 6yr old son Bomb dropped January 2013
Yeah, I suppose that the pillow has something to do with it!
I don't know... the obvious reaction would be to have it out with him and kick him out. And there is certainly attraction to that, but I don' think it's the best course of action.
I think what's important to think of now is the safety and security of you and your daughter. I don't quite know what that means right now, but his treatment of her has been beyond awful, and with the gambling, your security is clearly at risk.
I know this is the DB site, but I think you need professional advice to see what you can do to separate your interests, even if that doesn't lead to divorce. Obviously you can't do that tonight!
I will post again in a bit... I just want to think for a few minutes.
I know that I need professional help big time. I am seeing a councellor but she is on vacation at the moment. I think I am going to email her. I didn't want to bother her while she is on vacation but I don't know that I can go another week with all the sht that has gone on. The problem with kicking him out is that he comes back with telling me that I will have to take care of the mortgage and I am not sure that I can really handle everything financially. I own my own business and every month I have no idea if I will do well or not. It is still very up and down which totally sucks.
i must first get my D into daycare which I am registering her tomorrow. Once I have her in then I can start to make more concrete plans. I am leaning toward the fact that I don't think this marriage can be saved he is such a piece of dirt to me right now. Reading those texts has been damaging but I feel good that at least I now know the truth.
M=42 H=51 Common-law 6yr Children: 11yr old daughter (previous marrIage) 6yr old son Bomb dropped January 2013
