The "new you" is definitely one where you want to be approachable, esp. with your daughter. When I started all of this with my H, I learned to watch my tone around the kids because I didn't realize I could get so snappy! I tried to be as pleasant to them as I could, and not just for H's sake, but for their sake. But YES, he did take notice.
At the same time, I had laid down the law with him that if he was going to be sending or receiving inappropriate text messages, he needed to go ahead and get that apt he'd been talking about! I didn't lay it down as an ultimatum, but a quiet assertion of self respect. I stated that any road that was heading down the path of pursuing a R outside of the M was not condusive to the family's wellbeing and he should not be here if he insisted on keeping it up. Now, I have no evidence that he has not been texting, and have been trying to collect intel, so I can't know for sure. BUT...his treatment of me is way better, he is no longer talking about wanting out, etc.. It certainly does not appear that he is still up to no good, but the verdict is out. (And I'm also in a state of limbo as to how to treat him because I don't know the exact climate of the true sitch - but that's my issue, not yours.)
What's the point? You don't have to act like a hard a$$ to play hardball!
