That's when I decided enough was enough and it was time to talk. So in a strict tone I told her "DD, that's no acceptable. You don't talk or behave that way with mommy or daddy. You use the words please and thank-you. Remember when you said you wanted to go camping with mommy and daddy said he'll take you? and you said no you want to go with mommy only? that's not nice either because that hurts daddy's feelings" - by now she's in tears and nodding her head. Then I told her that daddy loves her very much but she needs to be polite and nice. She wanted hugs so I picked her up and gave her lots of hugs and kisses. Then she was super nice and even helped me wash the car on her own. Cleaned her room etc. and was in a much happier mood after that.
Romeo, it's hard to know the vibe of the above exchange, but it concerns me a bit. Yes, expect polite. But be careful about asking a girl who's young and clearly very sensitive to be "nice". It's important that she feels safe to work through her conflicting feelings about dividing her time between two parents and losing her intact family. When she expresses those feeling indirectly, it's an opportunity for you to help her acknowledge those feelings. The pressure on her to be "nice" or not "hurt your feelings" could make it less safe for her to work through that stuff. Yes, she behaved well afterwards, but that could be interpreted in different ways (e.g. getting into people pleasing instead of being supported through a very difficult internal conflict that she was experiencing). I know you're a great dad, but this stuff is not easy.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
