Oh, I just love when someone tries to go all European on us. Oh, those uptight, Puritanical Americans......uh-huh. The Puritans emigrated from Europe....but I digress...
BBJ, I think you have a healthy attitude toward sex, using toys, body image, etc. You are not a prude. Me either. I enjoy porn every now and then too.
But that is a hell of a lot different than leaving crotch shots on the family camera. It is a hell of a lot different than the kids finding magazines in the nightstand. It is a hell of a lot different than a kid's normal curiosity. It is a hell of a lot different than just about everything that dan thinks is ok.
Ok, so let's review:
IC, and some here, say don't mention anything to dan. Why?
It might cause an unpleasant confrontation? So what? Why is it wrong to try to protect your children before the fact rather than after?
It might embarrass him? Boo-f*cking-hoo! So what? He SHOULD be embarrassed.
Kids are naturally curious? Ok, does that mean that they won't be harmed by curiosity?
It's not illegal? Um, many things that are inappropriate for kids to witness are not illegal.
So the idea that the IC has is ridiculous. Sure, kids find their parents' LEGAL magazines, porn videos, sex toys, pictures, etc. At least the pictures in the magazines are not of their very own, wonderful role-modeling, fine upstanding (insert joke here) dad's crotch.
Since when is finding a Larry Flint magazine HIDDEN in the nightstand equal to finding dad's erection AT THE KIDS' BASEBALL GAME in the camera?
And when the kids find dad's lovely self-portraits, and chances are excellent that they will, given dan's carelessness and the unwillingness to address this uncomfortable issue, would the discussion/explanation following their discovery be exactly the same as the one that would take place following the discovery of a Hustler?
I still think your IC has her head up her @ss since she's incapable of distinguishing between Larry Flint and dad.
Kimmy I have not ruled out mentioning it to him. It is still rattling around in there somewhere.
Bizarro Dan showed up this evening. The kids were going camping and their sleeping bags were at my house. I said he could use them if he got there before 6:45 bc I had plans (no more letting him come in my house when I am not home!)...
I had been out working on my stupid yard mess from the water main issue. Gotta finish raking the dirt out that the bobcat threw all over, because half of it is on grass that will die. I got most of it raked and started chopping up/raking the dirt spot where there is no grass so I can re-seed.
Anyway he showed up at 6:30, I had just gotten out of the shower. I ran down to the door and met him at the entryway, so he didn't actually get to enter the house. Passed him the sleeping bags. He complimented me on my car and said it was a good choice. That it surely drove better and got much better gas mileage than my old car. (What?? No snarky comments?) Then he said the yard was looking good and I had done the best, the most anyone could do to make it look better again. Then he started showing me a picture on his phone of the flooding in Monterrey, Mexico and telling me the troubles he was having with the plant down there and trucks due to the floods.
I cut him off and said, "Yeah, I already saw all that on the weather channel." I headed inside to get ready. I was all dressed to go to my Scentsy party (smelly candle-like stuff).
It was great! Found out a former classmate has moved back to town, there were about 10 ladies there. One I knew vaguely because her bff is my cousin's SIL. She got my email and wants me to start going to MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) this fall. They do playdates with the kids and also mommy's nights out....and she is also part of a MOPS-connected book club which meets once a month. The next meeting is in two weeks and she thinks it would be great if I joined.
My former classmate got my cell # and said she'd call me when she and another girl there went out for drinks or dinner. So I am finally networking to find friends!! My coworker who invited me laughed at my witty banter/comments several times and said she didn't know I was so funny and I cracked her up. Nice to be validated, even by a girl. Definitely glad I went bc when I was sweating in the yard with a rake and shovel for 3 hours I debated skipping it.
You get a lot of validation on the boards here. It's great to expand the social calendar though.
One thing on Dan, if you are going to clue him in that you know about the photos do it soon. Otherwise if it ever comes up it might come off as something you saved to ambush him with rather than something you were genuinely concerned about.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Go mow the backyard. Deadhead and weed the flower garden. Then work on cleaning out the garage. I really want to book a massage but I just had one 2 weeks ago. Only, i still have two credits at the Massage place. So it would basically be free. OK focus on the yard woman!
Wish I had taken more crap out of the garage before I got my pretty, unspoiled car....
Question, BBJ. Did you have to go to trial on the D? It looks like I may have to ... and I'm struggling with the visual. I never wanted to get all dressed up in a suit and tie and stand in front of a judge and argue about ending the marriage.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Question, BBJ. Did you have to go to trial on the D? It looks like I may have to ... and I'm struggling with the visual. I never wanted to get all dressed up in a suit and tie and stand in front of a judge and argue about ending the marriage.
Nope, no trial. He never even got a lawyer... I spent roughly $1500 on legal fees. Saw my lawyer in person three times, I think. Dan and I got together and wrote up our terms, then I gave them to my laywer. He even cut-and-pasted my visitation schedule into the decree...he said I did most of the work.
So, I cannot say much about trials. Although there may have been some satisfaction/closure from hearing him stand before a judge and say he did not want to fix our marriage...but in the end the result was the same.
Definitely glad I went bc when I was sweating in the yard with a rake and shovel for 3 hours I debated skipping it.