To my mind I think she will have more RESPECT for you if you toss her OUT on her own and hold your head high :
"I will not allow you to disrespect me in my own home like that anymore. I am sorry you have to leave, but you can't be a civilized adult so you will have to find residence elsewhere until you own your behaviour and correct it like I am doing."
She's trying to get things back where they were still... Living at home with you STILL... so she can USE your money, LIE to you, and have SEX chats in private...
She has WANTED to move out since day 1. But because of finances, it wasn't possible. NOW, she has the option to live elsewhere and she is finally taking it. And she will have that option while her parents help her. So essentially, she will be having her own place now.
She wants to sell this house as FAST as possible. She would sell it YESTERDAY. And she is dead serious about it.
HOWEVER, she thought she would have him to run to when this all happened.
But I do believe that she wants out of this house extremely badly.
Quote:
c. Let her life with you platonically for an indefinite amount of time
She has said repeatedly that she can't live with me anymore. She HATES being home, and I have confirmed this by messaging and texts to other people.
She just wants to get me to sell this house so she can move forward with the divorce. She SEES me stalling with the house as a way to "keep her close" or smother her.
Quote:
I will not allow you to disrespect me in my own home like that anymore. I am sorry you have to leave, but you can't be a civilized adult so you will have to find residence elsewhere until you own your behaviour and correct it like I am doing
She doesn't CARE that she disrespects me. That's how far gone she is. She thinks because its "over" that whatever she does is OK.
Now more than EVER, her living on her own or with a friend will REINFORCE that thinking, where she thinks "Hey I am on my own, I can bang whoever I want now".
Last edited by Quicksilver264; 07/13/1012:15 AM.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
YOu need to trust that she's angry and will miss you and the home dude... you have to trust that...
She hasn't missed me one bit when she was away on all those business trips. And again I have confirmed messages where she says thank God I am away from HIM.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
I have been wallowing, and thinking of all the torturous things that can and might happen.
I re-read what SunnyD wrote about worrying about her WAH running into the arms of the OM, or another completely new man.
That is absolutely my biggest fear. Because I feel when a spouse as far gone as my wife does that, then there would be no hope of her ever coming back.
I don't know if I'd be up for going through a reconciliation process where having to deal with her having sex with other guys(s) is part of it.
I showed her the text she sent to me, and I could actually see the pain in her eyes. She tried to play it off like SHE was using HIM, but she definitely saw that she was PLAYED.
I am just happy she can't sex chat it up with the OM anymore. Maybe when she feels the pain of rejection from him, things will start rolling.
I am hurting yes, but I am not ready to give up. Maybe this is what is NEEDED in order to get some space between us, and show her I let go.
You yourself said that you'd go through periods like this. Well I have cried, and prayed, and cried some more. You all said how much this would hurt, and how BRUTAL it is. You even said HER parents told you that there was POSITIVELY NO HOPE for you and her right?
I so respect you for doing what you did in your sitch. You said you had to do it MULTIPLE times. Well this was my second time and it was God awful.
But tomorrow is a new day, and she is away on business anyway. She comes home Friday to "discuss" what my answer is to selling the house.
Maybe I will tell her that I'll agree to sell the house when I find a good agent, BUT I still want her to live with her friend.
Last edited by Quicksilver264; 07/13/1002:05 AM.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
QS: You just said your biggest fear is your W running to the arms of another man... that there is no coming back from that. Well, I'm hear to tell you there is. Not that you want that to happen, I understand. My 1st H was LIVING WITH the other woman and begging ME to remarry him! So, your biggest fear is unfounded. Sure, at that point you might end up like I did, not willing to reconcile, but I'm just proving a point here. If you can confront what you feel is the worst case scenerio, then you know you'll be OK no matter what. And I'm not saying that is what your W is going to do... Just sharing my past.
Hopefully the 2x4 knocks you back into Bringing Rain mode and you realize you're worth more than being treated like crap - no matter what W does or doesn't do!
If you honestly think she understands she got played and that you were protecting her then start drafting a letter.
You don't be mean, you tell her how much harm lying and sneaking around does. You tell her if this marriage ENDS you want it CIVIL and THAT is something you BOTH deserve.
You tell her the marriage isn't what you are after, its RESPECT. you tell her despite the state of the marriage she has no right be belittle your dignity like that.
You tell her DESPITE how HORRIBLE she's been YOU tried to PROTECT her and SAVE the marriage's DIGNITY instead.
You tell her she can hate you all she wants to, but you are going to be civil and you did your best to protect her from getting used. You tell her she may want a divorce but there's a right way and a wrong way to carry that out.
