WHY DO WE DO IT?

[navajo]

I certainly hope you are right!

I am excited about 2011. LOOK OUT WORLD! HA!

Thanks for the encouragement.

I had a pretty rough day today. Kept bawling in the car this evening on the way home but pulled it together before I got home and saw the W and kids then back to the strategies.

My D18 is spending the night with her so i took S13 out to dinner then for a walk around the lake. he is acting MUCH better today. More like his old talkative self.

Thanks for all the support. This site and you fine people are truly a God Send!

[navajo]

I am still feeling my way around this board so don't know if I should just stick with one thread for different topics or if I should start another thread.

I have gone as dark as I can with 2 kids and the bankruptcy stuff going on. NO initiated contact from my end except business like emails about child stuff or appointments etc. When she comes over, I go outside and work in the garden or find an excuse to leave again. Not letting her hug me and keeping my answers to any of her questions short and friendly.

But here is where I am stuck. The friend she is living with is definitely enabling her and coaching her (I believe), as well as the fact that she has been passing messages back and forth for my wife and the OM since the beginning!!! and has her ear all day and night. I feel there is absolutely no hope for me to be able to work this out with her as long as she is getting ALL of her needs met by the OM and her friend. Is it hopeless?

I know that I cannot tell her any of this and I also know that if I mention (again) that I don't think her friend has her best interests in mind, it'll just drive her farther away.

Yes, I know that this is all about working on myself and becoming a better person and I honestly am. The house has NEVER looked this clean, I have lost 17 lbs and am way more active that I used to be. Spending lots of time out with the kids (always did that anyway) and am working on becoming more outgoing and sociable in the world.

I really am not sure that I have a specific question at this point, just hurting a bit today and wondering if there is even any hope of her coming back due to her current sitch.

*SIGH*

Tom

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Nav,

You should definitely stick to one thread, as it's easier for people to follow your sitch and give more on-target advice.

There's not much you can do about her friend. An "Enabling BFF" is, sadly, pretty much "script" in more than half of these things, and they can be destructive. But until such time as your wife indicates that she wants to end her affair and all OM contact, and come back and work on the marriage, and asks you "What will it take?" (or says "I"ll do anything"), you're in no position to control who she talks to, or what the content of those conversations are.

Puppy

[navajo]

Yeah, I figured as much...

Oh well, all I can do is try to be a better me and take care of the kids and go on living.

I'll stick to this thread from now on too.

Just in case anyone wanders over here and wants to see the other ones I will link them here:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...940#Post2027940

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2032856&page=1

Thanks for being there Puppy!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Wooof!

[navajo]

I have a question. After 20 years of ONLY going to work and coming home, I don't know how to keep myself occupied. Even when I was traveling for my job, I would go to work then straight back to the hotel and read of watch TV.

So, now that I am supposed to GAL, where do I start? I mean, I was thinking about going out after work if I find some friends to hang with but then I'd feel guilty about not coming straight home to my kids.

I already go biking after work sometimes, but haven't done that since the bomb so I was home with the kids more.

It's going to be a balancing act, isn't it?

I am just soooo out of practice!

[TimeHeals]

It's going to be a balancing act, isn't it?

I am just soooo out of practice!

You and me both. I work from home, and am a transplant to the area.

Been thinking about joining a gym and giving my home gym a rest

[navajo]

I thought about that too, but not sure I can swing the $$$ right now. Please keep the suggestions coming. I mean, I have just been working outside or working around the house to keep busy, but I noticed today that I am pretty much caught up with everything around here and was at a loss for a couple of hours on what to do with myself! HA!

I also need to "get back out there" and start meeting new people to further break out of my self imposed shell.

[TimeHeals]

I thought about that too, but not sure I can swing the $$$ right now.

Volunteer work?

[navajo]

I have considered that and might look into it more. I still don't know how I should feel about looking for ways to spend more time away from my kids. My main fear is that they'll feel like BOTH parents are walking away.

On another note, how do I (or DO I) expose the A? My situation may be a bit different here. I have, of course told everyone in my family ( as well as taken some of the blame for the marriage cooling off the past couple of years) but as for her family, I tried to talk to her youngest sister (the one we both get along the best with) but she stopped me and said she has enough to deal with right now and doesn't want to hear any of it from me or her. Her middle sister is drunk by noon and passed out by dinner, her oldest sister never really liked me and doesn't speak to me much, her brother is in rehab for dealing drugs/dui, her mom passed and her Dad is very old and frail and seems to be showing signs of alzheimers.

As far as friends go, I have told our 2 mutual friends/families but as far as her friends, the only one local is the enabler she is living with and the rest of them are out of state and I have no way to contact them.

It sure looks like it is just up to me to stay cool and hope for the best and plan for the worst, huh?