regarding the permission,I agree with the terminology change. I just want it it writing that she is fine with me taking D a day before I'm supposed to get her and bringing her back a day later. Can't see how she would complain as she'll see it as two extra days without me or D. More time for OM.
But I need it in writing because AFTER the exposure confrontation, I'm guessing she'll be in the mood for retaliation. So get it signed first.
I think the text is OK...email would be a little better, perhaps, esp. if she has a phone with email capabilities. Email seems like a good compromise between texting and a letter... You could even get that apology in somewhere in this email that we were discussing. Such as, I know I wasn't perfect and I am sorry for the issues that I did not address previously in our marriage. However, I can honestly say that I have never been unfaithful or gone outside our marriage or intentionally hurt you. That kind of thing.
That's true, Allen. He could send the panic TM and save the bigger, heavier stuff for later, including the apology, CD.
Apologizing does NOT have to be softball - it's all in the way it is done. (It also depends on whether or not you've already apologized, admitted mistakes, etc... in the past.)
Allen and Sunny- As PDT said, the text is simply to create a little panic (and perhaps infighting) that their secret is blown. No details. And that there will "changes" when they return.
Fear of the unknown and "the light"
Affairs are only exciting when they are in the dark and secret.
The confrontation (WHICH I WILL ALSO NEED HELP WITH- Not even sure if confrontation/exposure or a Dobson- Too may choices and options) I will need to prepare for next.
This sounds good: just the fear of God text for now and let her sit on what's to come. BUT...a question here for the "experts" that I'm wrestling with:
Doesn't sending the text give W time to rationalize everything in her mind and justify (to herself and/or others) her actions? Won't it give her time to get her ducks in a row beforehand?
Just asking.
As for the confrontation and what's to come, well, I understand it's confusing. Each case is a little different and it all depends on circumstances and what you're comfortable with as to which approach to take next. I don't think they are all that conflicting, but it seems to me each thing has its emphasis.
From what I've read on the boards, some people oversimply Dobson's approach way too much. If you actually read his work (and I've read a lot of it, not just Love Must Be Tough) you truly get his whole perspective on relationships. The "letting go speech" is only one example he gives of tough love. I think Dobson would be fully on board with exposure even though it isn't something he discusses in LMBT. He recommends lots of good counsel for each situation and not just everyone going blindly with some "magic script" if that makes sense. (Not that others on these boards are advocating that - just want to make that point.)
Now she sends "i gave you the birthday and then when I want C two hours earlier for my cousin you denied me. So I said rules are rules. I'm following them. I think Calla will be fine with a week without the extra days. It's my week and I have set up stuff with her on the holiday." Then another- "I can sit down and talk about it if you tomorrow"
I haven't responded.
My brain says "Rules are rules? You're following them? F@#king another man is in the rules?"
