Heartbroken and needing help!

[irishblessings]

Hi to all! Today was a day that I moved forward. And I feel good about it!

As I re-read Dr. Dobson's Love Must Be Tough - I realized how much I had acquiesced my heart and soul over the past 3+ years. With each betrayal - my "fix-it" traits overpowered me and I lost all boundaries - I was jello!

So last night - I put down on paper my feelings and intentions. And the result was a candid, heartfelt, revealing letter that I gave my H today. When I gave it to him along with his mail, I told him that I wanted to let him know that I contacted my attorney and intend on filing for a legal separation. I shared with him that I was not trying to rub salt in any wounds - but that he should probably take a look at our state's child support calculator as well. In the letter I shared with him that this was the only "formal" step that I was taking. Divorce proceedings would have to be initiated by him. I told him that this move was primarily for protection of finances and assets for the kids and myself - and to provide a structure for our S. I spoke with the kids prior to telling S and wanted them to know that I was still standing for our M - but that we have to move forward and begin to plan how we would like the next few months to go. We will take baby steps. They were all 100% supportive and know that this is not what I want.

In the letter - I did not blame H for anything - I took responsibility for my insecurities and imperfections - my controlling needs. But I also made it clear that no one coerced him into marriage in 1985 and that the words he spoke of marrying his best friend were still the most memorable in my life. However, the lies, deceits, and infidelities were indicative of how one would treat their worst enemy and I felt that was how he viewed me.

Bottom-line: H texts me "Can I pick up my mail and talk to you about your letter" - I texted back "Yes to the mail, we'll see about the letter" - I wasn't sure I wanted to get into a discussion I wasn't prepared for... so he came by and he said - "about the letter - it was excellent"

We proceeded to have a civil, pleasant conversation - which Dbrs be proud - I ended quickly with the "well I have a lot of stuff to get done tonight - I will see you later":)

Here's the crazy thing - his wedding ring was back on! WTH????? But guess what - I don't really care right now. I am looking forward to getting some structure back in my life - and laughing with my kids, family and friends. I am DONE reacting to his every move. I have faith that God will show me the way and that he will help me continue to work to be strong!

Thanks friends for your help!