And don't put a lot of stock into what he says/doesn't say. There's a lot of posturing that goes on. If you try and analyze every word in that email it will make you sick. Remember, he is not operating from a mature mindset and feelings are fickle. The WAS will often try and say things to get back the upper hand, esp. if they feel they are losing it.
Well this is the second time I am ignoring a direct email to me from him. I am wondering what happens if I keep doing this. Like, I know him and I know his tendency to worry about me and this is a way he can probably feel that he is still doing something for me (which might make him feel less guilty) and so I imagine that after awhile of no responses from me he will start to say why aren't you answering me.
If it comes to that, do I continue to not answer? Is there a point where I do answer and what do I say? What do I do if he says at some point that he intends to come to the house and check on me since he hasn't heard from me? (he still has a key and is legally allowed to be here).
I have to say that NOT answering actually gave me some peace today. It's hard not to answer but I recognize now that if I did answer I'd only be sitting here feeling sick about what he would say back. By not answering I've avoided that. I feel like any conversation with him is a terrible setback for me at this point where he only drives home again that he is rejecting me.
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
You read Overcoming Infidelity right Antonia? You KNOW contact with him right now is NOT healthy for you?
My advice is for you to stay with a friend for a few days... If he can enter the home then you go visit a friend or a family member and give your phone to them to screen calls for you.
Just DISTANCE yourself from this until you have CONTROL of yourself better...
Yes Allen, I read it. I'm going to read that section on this part again now. Well I am going to be gone tomorrow when he is here, and if he is still here when I drive back to the area, I will leave again till he is gone. He'll be leaving himself at 3am Wed. morning and he'll be gone for a week, so I'll be ok here (and actually do have friends coming by different days).
I have to tell you that rereading that email, well I wondered when the anger was ever going to hit me, and jeez did it just hit to a really kicked up degree. My head is saying "I hate you you SOB, you self-righteous smug SOB who ruined my life", and I guess because I'm feeling that way that I absolutely MUST avoid all contact or else things will even be worse. I imagine it's never productive towards saving your marriage to tell your spouse you hate him, right?
Ok another question since he will probably come in the house while I'm not here. Half his stuff is still in his closet and I've been gathering some of his other things and boxing them because they're tough to look at all the time. Do I leave those boxes in the closet for him to find? Do I move them to another place so he doesn't find them? What would be better?
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
As soon as you can get EVERYTHIGN of his OUT the better, then he has no reason to go to the home at all. If you can get friends to help you back his junk and leave it somewhere tehn do it... put it in dry storage somewhere and have someone drop teh key off at his place...
Alright done. I left the house early this am and now I'm back. He came into the house and took his mail and the box of stuff. Doesn't appear he took anything else. That was very tough--I was kind of shaky this morning as I left the house--but I know at least I'm not going to have another rejection and setback today that will stick with me for days.
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
Yep.. feels good to keep away from that drama doesn't it?
THe less of his stuff that's there the better...
You can arrange with teh post office to ahve his mail redirected as well... He's using his mail as an excuse to visit and reconnect with teh home, even if you aren't there...
Have his mail sent elsewhere and his belongings boxed and dropped off at a neutral location - dry storage is good for this...
Ok I get that this disconnect is good for me in that it keeps me away from the "drama" and any setbacks, and it's also got to help me detach in some way assuming that he never has interest in reconciling, but what exactly does this do to him--I'm just curious, how do most WAS's respond when the LBS detaches to this degree rather than beg and plead for reconciliation? I've read what is said in DB, but I guess I'd like some more info on that.
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
