Just found out she already filed

[ImprovedRomeo]

Thanks for having my back guys!

This is going to be a long journal entry...

So the weekend was good, DD and I had fun, mostly (poor thing gets ouchies when she's with me :(). She had a few of those 'not going to be daddy's friend' but I just ignored and kept on. We went to the park on Fri, picked up dinner on the way home. Sat we ran a few errands, picked up rotisserie chicken from the grocery store and had that for lunch with cucumbers. Plenty left over so I took the meat off and stored it in a ziplock as per Alice's suggestion in an earlier post. We then went for a long bike ride. I saw a dirt path over a slight hill- Instictively I jumped my bike up and over it. DD pushed her bike up the hill and once we were on the dirt path she had fun. The dirt path led us back to the paved bike path so it was just a slight detour. But DD said she wanted to try the dirt path again. So again I go up and over the hill with wheels catching air. Poor thing tried to follow, got up about 2 feet, stopped, yelled 'oh oh' and back down the hill she went with the bike. Luckily she was wearing her helmet and the bike didn't fall on her. Got back up with a slight rash on her palm and crying of course. I felt so bad I should've stopped to make sure she got up first. So I told her we'd find a picnic bench along the way and have a treat. She was happy again, we got to a small picnic area and shared a Cliff bar...she got the chocolate brownie all around her mouth, it was so cute. I noticed she was eating with her helmet on so I tried to take it off and pinched her under the chin...cried again...I felt so bad again. Got home, changed. We were meeting a dad and his two D8 and D6 at a park nearby...I met him at a single parent meetup group. His story is pretty sad too...

He's 49, wife has diabetes type 1 and has been losing it slowly. Now his D8 was diagnosed with it too. Poor thing. He has to test her every two hours and give her 2 or 3 shots a day! He works even farther than me and his commute is way worse than mine. Over an hr and a half. His mom lives with him to help out but she's old and can't do a lot. He said he's trying to hold it together for the kids because the mother of the kids is useless (he has full custody) and he finds himself overwhelmed and without energy most of the time. I saw his kids playing with DD, they're such cute kids.

Oh crap...I missed half of my meeting...they're bringing lunch so I should go and finish later.

[figgeroni]

watch babying your 6 year old...
just because she cries doesn't mean she gets her way
and
don't get me started on daddy being her friend
remember who is in charge

[ImprovedRomeo]

Oh I know figs...I adore my little girl but try to keep the balance too.

In regard to being daddy's friend I just meant she'll just be difficult for no apparent reason- and a good segway into the rest of the journaling.

So Sun, I decided to take DD to watch Toy Story 3 in 3D. On the way she was happy, we stopped at Pei Wei (Asian food) and had lunch. After lunch we had Ben-n-Jerry's (hardly ever eat out especially sweets etc) I wanted it to be a special/fun time. Then we watched the movie- which was pretty good. Lots of lines in there that reminded me of my sitch...you know, feeling the sense of belonging to someone who's outgrown you? Anyway after the movie she started acting up...I asked if she liked the movie she just kinda nodded. I tried to hold her hand as we were walking out of the movie and she pulled her arm away. I asked her to drink some water (it was hot) and she just said 'no!'. Then at home she brought her Legos over and said if the neighbor's kids could come over to play, I said no (her mom's been avoiding letting the kid play, probably because stbxw said something? I don't know) but I sat down to play with her and she pulled the legos away saying she didn't want me to play with her. That's when I decided enough was enough and it was time to talk. So in a strict tone I told her "DD, that's no acceptable. You don't talk or behave that way with mommy or daddy. You use the words please and thank-you. Remember when you said you wanted to go camping with mommy and daddy said he'll take you? and you said no you want to go with mommy only? that's not nice either because that hurts daddy's feelings" - by now she's in tears and nodding her head. Then I told her that daddy loves her very much but she needs to be polite and nice. She wanted hugs so I picked her up and gave her lots of hugs and kisses. Then she was super nice and even helped me wash the car on her own. Cleaned her room etc. and was in a much happier mood after that.

Now I miss her as she's with stbxw today and tomorrow. It's also her first day of after school daisy camp at the lake.

STBXW sent this email a little while ago:


Ok I got a router on CL but the wireless doesn't work. Can I plug the msft one into this one? Also I couldn't get the msft one to work and I don't know its address to get into its settings.

Did you find the red fitted sheet? It probably looks just like the one DD has from Ikea for her bed. Its a soft jersey material and should say Full size on the tag.

Thanks.


Intereting that she already got the router/modem from craigslist...that was fast. So I guess I should tell her how to configure it and stuff since she's asking for help?

[kat727]

They should have tech support don't you think? No need to rescue. As for the sheet you either have it or you don't. If you don't she needs to check with the school. She wants you to do her work for her and will continue to do this until you stop. So STOP already!!

kat

[newmama]

It's up to you, Romeo. Hard ass approach "call up _&_ and they can help you." Helpful ex husband approach is to help her with it.

I was talking to a friend of mine about my boundaries with stbxh but stopped because I realized she has no clue- no divorce anywhere in her family and I told her that I don't think she could relate. She said it reminded her of the line in the movie, "It's Complicated" where Meryl Streep said something about how we never learn how to be divorced. I post this here in your thread because we have to make up the rules....plenty of opinons out there on how to co parent and how to be married but how to interact with your ex about non children issues (especially when you still love them???) who knows!

I don't know how much I can ask my stbxh to help when I truly need the help.

But, I have always been an advocate of the golden rule. So my opinion is to help her. Hey, wouldn't you still help her while you had a girlfriend?

[ImprovedRomeo]

kat, I hear you but it sounds so cold. Maybe because I work in the field and it's two lines I have to write back to get her out of the jam. So hard to resist helping her but I completely see your point.

NM, yes I'm feeling conflicted (not hard to do) you know it's funny when I asked her to get DD a hat and flipflops for my house since she took the other ones and she's always out shopping the sales at Macy's etc yet I never even went shopping for my own clothes for 10 years. Well, she just sent me a one liner a day or two later 'I saw cheap sandals at Old Navy for DD...hope that helps'. So telling her to get her own dsl modem/router was kinda inline with her response.

So two options:

"Push the reset button on the back with a pointy object. Change the IP of your laptop to 192.168.1.5 then fire up the browser to connect to 192.168.1.1 and login with the password 'admin'"

or

"I suggest that you get the 2wire modem's working properly rather than trying to connect the msft access point to it. I'm sure if you call ATT's tech support they can help you with that."

I think she'll probably be chatting up the IT guys at her work. She's good at 'oh i'm a helpless cute looking chick who likes geeks...can you help me?' - hey it worked on me lol

[whatisis]

Hey, I say you give her a couple of lines of instruction. You didn't budge on giving her the device she wanted (good for you), she went out and got it so now you help her out. It's not like she wants you to come over and take care of it for her, she wants a little guidance with something you have an expert understanding about. No biggie in my books. It's not all or nothing in setting boundaries, it's also about being a gracious victor when you've set a boundary and she has abided by it. If what you suggest doesn't work then suggest the ITT guys at her work.

[newmama]

Hmmm...if you go ahead and help her here is what you must ask yourself:

Am I doing this just to help her with no other strings attached, even if she responded the way she did about the flip flops?

(grrr!)

Then I think you help her out.

Kat is advising you not be her rescuer...that is a good point. But we are doormats only if we allow it. If you always run to her rescue, then she will depend on you to help her and you will get stuck (possibly) in a cycle. But if you help her sometimes and not with everything....well that helps to prevent a cycle, right?

Like you suggested she look on craigslist without just giving her the modem. That seemed like helping without being too cold or self sacrificing. ARGHH! I am so sorry that I can't put this into better words! It would help me, too, with my sitch!!

[newmama]

yes-- this is a good rule of thumb for us all!:

It's not all or nothing in setting boundaries, it's also about being a gracious victor when you've set a boundary and she has abided by it.

[ImprovedRomeo]

I sent her this, right or wrong:


Why not get the wireless working on the 2wire, that should be straightforward, simpler and something ATT tech support can probably help you figure out.

But yes you can plug the MSFT one into the 2wire router and it'll provide wireless access- depending on how the 2wire's configured you'll have to configure the MSFT one as an 'access point'.

There's a small reset button you can press with a pointy object to reset it to its default settings. With the default settings you can access it through the web browser at address 192.168.2.1 and password 'admin' - your laptop should be plugged into the MSFT router and may even have to manually set your IP address of the laptop to 192.168.2.2 to connect to it.

Here's the manual: http://download.microsoft.com/.....

Hope that helps.


NM, yeah I just helped her to help her...no strings attached.