I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY OR LOVED SOMEONE SO MUCH AS I DO MY SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Baby Boy was born Tuesday, July 6, 7 pounds 12 ounces, 20 inches lonng and every bit is perfection! last monday i woke up and had contractions every 20 minutes apart, later that evening they were about 7, then 6, then 5, and off H and I went to the hospital. Contractions were down to 3 minutes for several hours, but only 1 cm dilated and i was practically dying from the pain, but the hospital said I was not in active labor until I was 3 or 4 cm apart. meanwhile, i was screaming bloody murder! They sent me home, (only to find my mucous plug as soon as I got home-sorry to be so explicit) I cried b/c in so much pain, sat in a warm tub for 3 hours, and at first felt better and then came on the real deal, and I was screaming for 911! H was by my side the entire time, held my hand and was the perfect H, extremely supportive, and came back to the house and slept in 'our' bed until I couldnt take the pain and went back to the hospital. so 6 hours after i left the hospital, went back and thank goodness they admitted me and i was dilating! I asked every person who walked in my room for an epidural! and Finally I got it! WOW! i became a different person! The rest went smoothly, the waiting room quickly filled with our parents, family members and friends and I almost had to think back and ask myself if I had made up all that had happened in the past 6 months??? H was MY OLD H! He held my hand and coached me the entire time... I told him now to never say the word Breathe to me ever again! LOL. I pushed for 20 minutes, and beautiful perfect, amazing, inspiring, gorgeous son came into the world!
Wow! How one moment changes your life forever and truly puts things into perspective! Everyone said it all along, and I just couldnt grasp the thought, but they were all right, nothing, no one, no situation, could ever compare to what you feel for your baby! H slept in the hospital with me and I do the breastfeeding and H changes the diapers and its as if we are the ideal perfect family. I thought of you but was so busy, as I am sure you all know too well and understand, and wanted to keep you posted.
Our families have been visiting and helping us so much. Thank God for my mom... cooking cleaning all the fun stuff... so that me and H could have alone time with the baby. So now the thing you probably want to know is what about H? So to save you some reading time here goes:
-H sleeps in guest bedroom -wakes up at every feeding to change the diapers and see if i am ok -telling me to rest -bringing me water or something to eat -catering to me on hand and foot (like Old H would have) -eat dinner together at night -will come sit right by my side as i am feeding the baby and will kiss his head and just stare at me -lie in bed beside me as I nurse the baby and just talk about everything and anything -very attentive -mentions things about 'us' and 'family' for future -has been by my side every second for the past week, just like old H -went together to pediatrician's appt. -drove back and forth to hospital together -referred to me as his wife over and over -we dressed the baby in a beautiful knit outfit and came home together and ate dinner together when we came home from the hospital...
I asked him yesterday when he planned to leave, feeling weepy. he said he wasnt sure and it came right out my mouth... "what about us, our son, our family" he just looked at me... "do you ever think of me and you and that we can be a family" he said yes, I do. and dont you think we can work if you and I tried, he said maybe and said its not a NO, its just he doesnt know and he is taking things day by day.
So, worse case scenario is that I am raising this baby with an amazing person, who doesnt love me as his H, and we are a 'family' of some sort. best case is this is giving H a taste of what our lives could be like. He stayed in my room laying beside me in bed for over an hour just talking about normal things after that and then he went to the other room, and mintes later sent me a text saying get some sleep and stop staring at the baby... which is exactly what I was doing, so i laughed and smiled and went to sleep.
I have been having the best time with the baby, so far he is a good eater, sleeper, and just the best thing ever. I have never ever felt so content, so peaceful, so IN LOVE!!!!!!
We just had dinner together, and H is studying right now and so I decided to write all of you first. If i am not on here its because a) i am stealing kisses from the baby and just loving him and b) dont want H to see me on this site, as its my thing or c)making my H fall back in love with me, one grain of sand at a time.
Oh yeah, this morning H brought me breakfast in bed, for the both of us... and we just laughed and talk about the baby, and his first bday and future and all the things 'we' want to do with him and for him... later on he did the same thing, at some points he gets so close to me i get nervous! but i am enjoying my life, my son, my HAPPINESS too much to worry about anything else!
One last thing, the days before i gave birth, i went through the house and even at work, and decided to erase all negativity and replace it with tranquility... i know, sounds silly, but felt like this baby needed to be brought into a world of happiness and love... and so (SORRY IF OFFEND ANYONE) the day before i delivered I threw away DR and DB. I do value every word, and every thing I learned and think MWD is brilliant, but i needed to stop focusing on divorce... according to the Secret, what we resist, will persist. So I cleaned everything out... no more D talk...
I will take everything i learned and apply it everyday, especially now that H is under the same room and can notice the new me...
So I am in Love! My Baby Boy changed my life... for every tear shed the past 6 months, every ounce of sadness i felt, I feel ONE BILLION times that emotion, and it has been replaced with TRUE HAPPINESS!
Found this quote a while back, and it truly speaks to me and about me:
"Before you were conceived I wanted you. Before you were born, I love you. Before you were an hour old, I would die for you. The Miracle of Life"
