I'm not surprised that she acted like she did. She's trying to hurt you because you held her feet to the fire. She may be angry, but the alternative is lack of respect. Go with RESPECT, every time, even if it makes her angry! Trust me on that...been there, done that, and your response to her is (As Allen says...) "Everything I've done, I've done for the sake of our marriage. I won't live in an open marriage!" Although, that may be a mix of Allen and PDT. Not sure. LOL
QS why are you letting her call any shots here she had the A and she walked out on you. Her letting you know she may be sleeping around with everyone BUT you is a deflective move she is intentionally trying to hurt you.
See me I'd be a smart ass and tell her well I seriously hope you use protection things arn't how they used to be. Get strong and know that no matter what you cannot prevent her from this train wreck she is making of her life. There is nothing profound you can say to make the light bulb go off in her head to go "Oh Damn I F**ked up".
Any respectable woman would end a marriage she thinks is bad shape first before going out and sleeping with everyone or anyone other then her husband. Seems to me she has some issues and she is her own worst enemy and is in self destruct mode. This will come back to bite her in the ass eventually.
M37 H30 D1 S18 (previous relationship) M 1yr Bomb 6/25/10
I keep reminding myself I am strong even if I don't feel it. I know from my past this is true. I might just get a tattoo to remind me.
I have not done anything, said anything to her ect, but the emotions are going wild. This last exposure REALLY put her over the top. My wife told her mom that she just can't live in the house anymore, and needs out.
I am hurting really badly. MY wife is now out of the house, and will ONLY be back on Friday to see what my answer is to selling the house.
Even her mom sees absolutely NO HOPE for the marriage, and that my wife is COMPLETELY DONE. She also thinks my wife wasn't leaving the marriage because of another guy.
My wife called her mom and BEGGED for financial help out of the house. So she (her mom) felt like she had no other choice.
I have no CLUE what I should do. Either I agree to sell the house and my wife will stay here when she wants OR I don't agree to sell the house and she COMPLETELY moves out and gets her own place to have all the sex she wants. She even says that since we are "separated" that she doesn't need to be honest with me, nor does she have to worry about being attached and is free to see other people.
How do you even hope to save a marriage when your wife gets her own place and WILL NOT interact with you AT ALL?
Last edited by Quicksilver264; 07/12/1010:42 PM.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
... Guess it was a good time to RAIN DOWN SOME HELL.
I feel very empowered now, as HE brought these consequences on HIMSELF.
I am FULLY expecting Hell to start raining down on me too. What a day!
...
Oh I am. I feel sooooooooooooooooo good that I got the balls to message his CO. And I had an EXCELLENT counseling session today. My IC almost didn't recognize me.
Whether or not any ACTUAL discipline comes of it, he will KNOW that when he calls down the Thunder that I will make it rain.
I am starting to look at my wife in a more pathetic light now. Not out of anger, but from a TOUGH love perspective. It makes it so much easier to detach. She is acting like a 2$ cheap trick, and letting him treat her that way. It is really kind of sad, but again, she is making her own bed.
There have been more than a few women that have expressed interest in me and been flirty. It felt really good to feel desirable. As much as I wish I could save my marriage, I am realizing that she's just done so much to me that it would take so long to rebuild.
The only answer I have is the one I am preparing for me because I'm confronting and exposing this week-
How do you save a marriage when....?
You keep working on YOU and get your life back. yeah, Divorce is gonna suck. But the sooner YOUR life is in order, the sooner you get past it, And if by chance she comes out of the ether before YOU ARE DONE, then explore what's left to rebuild.
Do you or I REALLY deserve to be treated like this? Did you or I force them to do what our W's are doing? Can we actually control what they are doing? Are these the actions of W we actually want to have?
The answers are all NO.
I hope you can throw a 2x4 my way when it's my turn.
We aren't telling you to give up here QS, but you have to get yoru perspective back...
So she moved out... SHE is gonna miss her home...
IGNORE her mother at this point... Her mother's a pathetic enabler... I am not saying be mean to her, but don't listen to her mother's ADVICE..its CRAP
Her MOTHER has NO WAY of assessing your wife's mental state right now... she has NO IDEA what her daughter's going through... She just listens to her whimper and throws $$ to shut her up...
You have to shut out the negatives and keep pushing man...
Keep pushing... Your wife may come crawling back six months from now when she's broke in some cheap arse apartment...
She may have to very well hit ROCK BOTTOM to realize what damage she's done and take ownership of it...
But it still hurts that she is gone from the house. I can't help that. I am TRYING TO. But what she said about "if not him then some other guy who wants to blank me".
Even her mom says that there is absolutely positively no hope for this marriage.
But when she was packing and talking to me, I DID NOT SHOW ONE BIT OF EMOTION.
Her mom seems to think that my wife wasn't leaving the marriage because of the OM. But I guess I will NEVER know unless I had exposed him and MAYBE start to lift her fog.
Did you wife leave the house Allen? My wife appears so over and done with this marriage that EVERYONE around her sees it.
Even the toughest people need a moment to let their feelings out. I have some dark, dark days ahead of me.
My wife even used her friend's Facebook account to try and contact the OM.
She just let the insults and hurting statements FLY at me. Oh I had my suit of armor on, but when she left I had to take it off and look at the billion dents.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
first be still and take a deep breath I know what you are feeling stop visualizing her having sex with other men that is only torturing yourself.
Second take the focus off of her and what she is, can and may or may not be doing. You need to put the focus back on you.... seriouly or your gonna fall apart and fail at this. Trust me this will not kill you, I know this first hand.
Now what do you want to do with the house, with or without her can you afford it do you want it ect. All hope is not lost just because she is not in the house but you falling apart and turning into a puddle of mush is not going to help and it is unatractive especially to her right now. If you must fall apart do it in private.
If you dont want to sell the house by all means tell her. Dont fear this she is counting on your fear to propel her strength and control of the situation. You can let her know you are not in approval of her getting her own place BUT if she must then you wont hold her back.
It's been my personal experience that my H's weakness is my strength and vice versa strange as it sounds it's like a dance we've gone back and forth.
Your strength will cause her to be weaker maybe angry yes but weaker none the less because she totally expects you to react negatively and emotionally to all of this. Get strong even if ya fake it to her face and see how she reacts pissed yes, but eventually you will see some lack of control on her part.
Your gonna have to let go for this to play out to your benefit if you hold on too tight will run fast and far!!
M37 H30 D1 S18 (previous relationship) M 1yr Bomb 6/25/10
I keep reminding myself I am strong even if I don't feel it. I know from my past this is true. I might just get a tattoo to remind me.
