Going straight forward...antlers 6th thread.

[ImprovedRomeo]

I missed the texting part but I agree with G. Perhaps text them on b.days only.

[antlers]

My son told me this morning, "I'm really enjoying spending my summer with you."

Gardener, you think I should lay off the texting to my girls? It's 'pursuing' to my girls?
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Yesterday, I asked her, via text, "do you ever wish we'd moved to Boerne or San Antonio instead of coming up here?" (to Oklahoma)

Her response..."you ask me that...how many times did I try and talk you into going there after I started school and your parents renigged on helping us out? Regardless where we lived we would have ended up where we are now because I would have put up with your abuse towards me and the kids for only so long."

I replied simply, "when we know better, we do better. People can change."

She followed up with, "they may change but the damage they caused has already been done and cannot be erased. That damage goes deeper to the victims and it is with them for the rest of their lives. And you haven't changed a bit. Look at the major damage you've caused between son and me. Ever since he's been staying over there you've told him lies about me. That's the kind of damage that doesn't go away. 'My mom's done bad stuff to my dad that you don't know about' is what son told my mom. That's bs and you know it as well as I do. How can you sit there and tell me 'people can change' when you're still doing what you've done for years?"

I replied simply, "if I'd have known better, I'd have done better. I wish I'd have made these changes years ago. We would've been fine. I wish we'd have gone to the hill country instead of coming up here."
"I see how I hurt you and for that I am sorry. People make mistakes. Some people learn from them, they change, and become better people. The past, despite it's wrenching pain, cannot be unlived. That doesn't mean it can't be overcome. It can."

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Anyway, my son and I watched another movie last night, Grown Ups, and took a pretty good motorcycle ride today. We're gonna go watch fireworks tonight.


I miss her being the way she used to be, loving and caring towards me. That, coupled with the changes that I've made over the last 19 months...and we coulda been in tall cotton. I hate it that things are this way.

I've got no choice but to continue to let go and move on.

[Bridgestone]

((antlers))

it is what it is

keep growing & moving along.. where you are is only temporary.

[cat03]

personally, texting the daughters shows he cares for them, as long as he isn't texting every day several times a day (that'd be creepy) a few times here and there with a simply 'hope you are having a good day' says tons... I know that if I were mad at my dad and being stubborn, secretly I'd still want to hear from him, to know that he thinks of me and it would contradict whatever crazed mom is saying about him not caring.

[antlers]

Thanks cat03.
I think too much of a good thing is not a good thing.
I agree with you.
Occasional texting, simple messages are OK.
I was texting them each one time per day for a little while.
I have cut back.
Today was the first time I had texted either one of them for 10 days.
Maybe once a week would be OK?
Son and I are still doing good; he's still staying with me right now...the GAL even came to our house and met with him here.
That boy stayed up at night and worked on the house for over 4 solid hours, cleaning it up and making it look nice for the GAL's visit. He did that on his own!

[antlers]

"It hurts to be rejected, especially for something that is at the core of your being." - Gypsy


Yep, it does. It's hard to deal with.

[antlers]

I've sort of gotten off track over the last 6 to 8 weeks. As the date of the trial draws nearer(July 28), I've been more depressed, and I haven't been as motivated to take care of myself as I have been. I feel a lot more stress and other negative emotions. I'm kinda strugglin'. I want to feel better.
For many years, she and I only had each other. Our families lived far away, and she and I worked and raised our kids without any help from anybody. We were the 'here' person for each other. I miss that.

[ClingingToHope]

I'm heading that direction as well. I found out today STBXW rejected our settlement offer and wants a pre-trial conference. I absolutely never wanted to sit in a court room across from STBXW arguing over how to end the M.

It looks like I'll have to. It's like an emotional trifecta nailing me in waves lately. Seeing an OM at my house two weekends ago, having my girls for a week and so feeling like a family again and then realizing a trial is in my future.

Antlers, it's all about attitude. Today is a great day. I played softball this morning. I'm back at work. I have a singles group that have things scheduled every week I'm free. I looked at my journal from last summer and I'm much better in every way than I was a year ago.

And yet ... I'm really, really, really down. Like you, she was my 'here' person. She was the one I really, really thought, deep down, would always be there for me.

I'm with you.

[antlers]

Antlers, it's all about attitude.

I know it is. Mine just sucks right now, and it has for about the past 6 to 8 weeks.

My son and I are going on vacation in a little over 2 weeks. I'm sure his mother will try to throw a wrench in the works once she finds out about it. I plan on letting her know about a week in advance (which happens to be a couple of days before the trial). She doesn't let me know ahead of time when she is going to take the kids out of state. I can't wait to get away. I'll be more than ready for it. He and I will be leaving 3 days after the trial.

[ImprovedRomeo]

antlers, I feel for you.

Yes this is hard but believe me you'll survive and later thrive. Jul 28th will pass and it'll be Jul 29th and you'll look back and say 'that wasn't as bad as I thought'...then you'll go on to think about other things. Us men have this nasty habit of putting all our emotional and physical energy into our spouses and families. When they're gone we're usually left with no one. That deep emotional connection is left severed. Women on the other hand can reconnect and 'talk' about stuff with their girlfriends that we have a hard time with. It's a widespread situation here and I'm in the same boat as you as well as many others.

Do take care of yourself, who else will especially right now? Hang in there.