Call me crazy, but I think MOST men when looking for wife and future mother material are looking for the woman to have at the absolute BARE MINIMUM a high school GED or diploma.
If they met a woman that "refused to pursue" ESPECIALLY if it woudln't take much time, they would be moving on.
laura i understand what your saying. he took me on 'dates', but i dont think he liked me or listened to me much. i started school after i married him, and he is an attorney. he absolutely absued his power of me regardless of situation/age more than i think this man did. i think its important to evalutate people's intentions, that's all. obviously he loved her and wanted to save her, not exploit her. i just dont think he's a bad pedophile or anyting...
No, I don't think he is a pedaphile either adqbelly--but you were 27 when you married (I read up on your sitch) and whether you think you were an immature 27 or not--that is still well into being an adult and you are able to be accountable for your decisions. YOU made the choice to go out with your H. YOU decided he did enough for you to marry him.
Would you say the same thing to your kids as you said to your W if they dropped out of school? Or would you take an adult stand??
I supported her decisions, regardless of what they were. I love her unconditionally. My children on the other hand: I would take a stand. That’s my responsibility as a parent. I guess that I started this thread out on the wrong foot. I think I gave the impression that my spouse was “given” to me like some indentured servant. She went willingly, and had plenty of time before we got married to leave if she wanted to. She may have been young, but she was not a prisoner.
Originally Posted By: LauraOh
And yes--I would expect you to educate her. Call me crazy, but I think MOST men when looking for wife and future mother material are looking for the woman to have at the absolute BARE MINIMUM a high school GED or diploma. If they met a woman that "refused to pursue" ESPECIALLY if it woudln't take much time, they would be moving on.
I love my wife for her character regardless of her education or social status, and would not “move on” simply because she decided not to finalize her education. I am sure that you took more time courting than I did to choose your mate, yet you are here in this forum just like me. Let’s not throw stones.
Originally Posted By: LauraOh
What "good job" did your W get without a GED??!
We both have a strong work ethic and own a nice home because of our values, not education. Did I mention that I am not well educated myself? She works in manufacturing and makes enough money to help us provide a good home for our children. She has been employed by the same company for I think over 6 years.
Originally Posted By: LauraOh
I think as your children grow, and if you are man enough to deal with it, you'll unfold a lot of layers of the magnitude of what you've done. She feels cheated, robbed, and creepy about your R. Listen to her!! (a DB "rule", btw).
I accept your perspective and will keep it in mind. I will listen to her when I can (right now there is zero contact.) The man I am today is due to my mother. I had no father growing up and did not have any solid male role models to learn from. Believe me when I say that I regret being in this position. But know this: I want nothing more than to keep my family together. Being a part-time dad is killing me. I never wanted that for my children. Please consider this: I have admitted to my mistakes. While I am defending myself from you, it is hindering my ability to ask questions that I would like to ask, and I could use advice. Right now my wife is in a state of depression and is not making rational decisions. I do not want to take any actions that will hurt her any more than she is feeling right now, but I also have two children to think about. Please allow me the opportunity to present a couple of situations I am facing and give advice I can reflect upon…If not for me, than for her and our kids. I cannot simply walk away. We have been together for a long time and our lives are intertwined.
Your situation sounds very similar to mine. Im 36 she is 24 we have two young kids, she now has left said I dont love you anymore... WOW almost could be twins, I think something is going on medically.
There is good advice on this forum to sift through. People are correct about staying busy and improving yourself. But the things that need improving aren't always new clothes or hairstyle. If I want to save my marriage, I have to change myself on the inside. I have to change the things about me that drove her away in the first place. LISTEN to her. She will tell you what's wrong if you listen.
I am now taking my advice from God. The situation has deteriorated greatly, more for her than me. I am being patient and hoping that God doesn't want my marriage to fail any more than I do. He can't change her heart but he can work with me.
I suggest keeping Corinthians 13: 4-7 close at hand, and pray for God to help you exhibit each of those qualities of love. Always remember the first one: Patience! It is the only thing keeping me from going crazy, or filling the void of emptiness with another relationship that would just complicate things.
Not sure for you if there has been tragedy that brought your situation on like mine, but if so: For her, I am studying the Book of Job. The basic message there is that God shouldn't be blamed for all difficulties in one's life. Sometimes SH@T happens. What's important is that when everything falls apart, God will always be there to pick up the pieces and put you back together again.
Take advice you read on here, but prioritize God's messages before all others like I am and hopefully things will change.
God helps those who help themselves. So its not a patience thing in that you lay back and do almost nothing to service or assist yourself.
Its a patience in taking care of business and knowing that in the future you are going to be better off.
People think that patience means "passively waiting" and thats not what it means in the business context. It means "actively waiting", working towards the goal. Its a concentrated effort, and the focus is taken off the situation which is not working out for you.
thanks for the tips. Each day just seems to get harder and harder. I try like hell everyday to not call or email her. With the kids thrown in the mix and her now not letting me see my kids, until this past weekend and cause a judge told her she had to.. Her dad is really controlling the show and I think she thinks she owes it to him... I would do anything in the world to just get her to try and save it. But she is in total shut down mode, her dad hired the best local attorney and he is a straight butt.. Everything now is talk to my attorney or I cant talk to you. I sent an email about my visitation and her dad sent it to her attorney and they tried to file a cause to say I was stalking her, lucky for me it was for the kids only so my attorney said go for it if you want but the reason is for his love and well being of his kids that I was stripped away my rights to without a court by there mom and her dad...
Mark
Me 36 WAW 24 S 4 D 2(My Kids/her step kids) S15,D14,S10,D11 Love you but not in love with you 6/8/2010 Left/Bomb 6/20/2010 D filed 6/23/2010 M 4 T 5 1/2
thanks for the tips. Each day just seems to get harder and harder. I try like hell everyday to not call or email her. With the kids thrown in the mix and her now not letting me see my kids, until this past weekend and cause a judge told her she had to.. Her dad is really controlling the show and I think she thinks she owes it to him... I would do anything in the world to just get her to try and save it. But she is in total shut down mode, her dad hired the best local attorney and he is a straight butt.. Everything now is talk to my attorney or I cant talk to you. I sent an email about my visitation and her dad sent it to her attorney and they tried to file a cause to say I was stalking her, lucky for me it was for the kids only so my attorney said go for it if you want but the reason is for his love and well being of his kids that I was stripped away my rights to without a court by there mom and her dad...
Go to the local preacher or priest and discuss your problem with them. Church is for marriage and is for family. Outside of extenuating circumstances you will get all the help you need there. You can do a couple of churches in her neighborhood. It will also reach alot of people who are on the fence who might not know exactly whats going on.
