Near WAW with EA - almost textbook sich

[doing my best]

Thank you VERY much for replying. I am determined to be a success story and feel that I have laid some ground work. What prompted me to finally post is my reading of the Infidelity forum topics and I read your one about PEA.

Yes....I believe she has cut off contact with him. It has been 9 weeks tomorrow. But she still readily admits to having feelings. Typical that they started out just to catch up but her own unhappiness and his in his marriage led them to this path. She says the feelings have always been there but just got stirred up here. I have done my best detective work and she has blocked him on FB. All text, email, contact info is deleted. Not sure about work but still have that unsettled feeling. 3 weeks ago I did tell her that I would stop fixating on him. She says he is NOT the problem so I am trying to take her at her word. Started applying DB techniques and it will be 3 weeks for that on Thursday. I know it is still very early so I have time.

Problem is....this morning, I did look again in her work bag and found notes that she had scribbled with what looks like a bunch of random thoughts. Should probably not do that anymore as it sets my mind reeling but at least helps me understand where we are in some ways.

Here is some of the list that I remember:

- work out, focus on self
- go out with me and groups of folks togther
- work on our friendship whic is what I have been pushing with the idea we are starting over.
- mini vacation seperation opportunities....to beach, to sisters, for me to take some business trips
- girls night out
- fun with kids


But then she listed also her ex-boyfriends name. Just his first name. Not sure if it meant she wanted to go away or towards him. just his name on the list.

Then the tough one...saw a tag line that said Seperation = March 2011. We cannot financially afford to seperate so I am not sure what is happenening in March. I thought that perhaps we had been moving towards at least giving her room and space for her to not feel pressured....which I admit I did the first few weeks after bomb. I have offered her opportunites for us to spend time away from each other to decompress. Short time spans that would not affect the family. She still seems bent on some sort of longer term separation. When we originally had this talk over the weekend I did tell her that I would respect her decision and would let her go if she wanted. But told her the kids stay here. She got mad and asked me to not treat her like an unfit mother. I told her that she was a wonderful mother but to leave would be her decision. She also said she does not want a divorce but feels a seperation would be healthy. Perhaps but she cannot tell me why seperation would help her. Old BF is 1000 miles away so I do not see that happening unless there is some other plan. Maybe I am paranoid but still believe I need some more reassurances.

Anyway.....going to use the MC to try and get to bottom of this and see if EA and emotions are still there and what W can do if she wants to. Need to use MC to help get W true intentions. W is still sticking with story however (to me) that negative feelings and emotions towards me are what is holding her back. Has stated that she does not know how to drop these negative feelings and is worried they will last forever. If that is true then I can apply DB and work on self to promote better atmosphere for healing....plus trying to prepare for worst. However still have nagging feeling about EA and OM that needs to be addressed and dealt with on her part.

Will keep posted as things happen or as anyone asks questions. Trying to avoid R talk. We get along great in a lot of ways almost creepy....joking, talking, deep talks, going out on our "night of the week", going on family outings, to church, neck rubs for her, etc. You would think that everything is perfect since I started the DB and stepped back to give space/act as-if. Yet the absence of affection is striking because she was always a very loving and touchy person. Vulcan comes to minds and she has said she is trying to remove emotions from our situation so that she can deal with situation.

Thanks again!

DMB