Do you see that you aren't thinking of ALL of the possibilities, that you assume and predict the worst?
you know why? having things work out is just 1 possibility. we are obviously not there, otherwise i wouldn't be separated right now. so this possibility is really just words on a piece of paper. it's there for show.
it's like greek's suggestion of a T chart. the positives - that things will work out. (one item) the negatives - there could be 10 pages of negative things that can happen.
this is why i look at my sitch and go .. you know, there's only a 0.01% chance that this will work. it's so small, you can't find that line of hope with a magnifying glass.
forrest says i am looking to be right. looking for an out. i'm looking for everything in the 99.99% that things won't work out side. i'm looking for the OW or evidence of an A. i'll look for signs of MLC and say they are so deep in a fog that you might as well move on. he ain't coming back. i'll analyse his reaction and lean towards the negative. i won't notice the positive reactions but i'll focus solely on the bad. i'm going with what i know because i don't know any better and i'm choosing the 99.99% over the 0.01%.
it's really odd coming from me who was asking for help to save my m at the very beginning. i love my h. i can't make him love me. i want him. i don't need him. i don't want what we used to have. i want something better.
yes, i made discoveries of myself and my contribution to the breakdown of our m. but so what? if this m is going to end in d, how is discovering my issues going to help me? for my next r? no. i've said it time and time again. i wouldn't. all this stuff that i've learned about myself, i wouldn't take it into the next r. it's not something i need. i don't believe my future r with a different person would last anyway.
