So I went out last night, and took my trusty smartphone setup with email alerts.
Come to find out, she texts the OM saying she is alone in the house and to call him. 30 min goes by and nothing. She then gets online and....
She tries to get into MY EMAIL accounts. LMFAO. Now that's something new. She must be looking to see if I contacted him again.
She then spends the nest 40 min doing searches for him and looking him up on google. She also looks up ways to "win" or "get" a guy.
She really has it bad. And it is so very sad. I am just hoping that the exposure this time REALLY worked. I have exactly 90 days until the waiting period is over. and then maybe a few weeks leeway until dividing the assets starts.
She is addicted to this guy BAD.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
QS it is very common for the WS to snoop on the LBS.
Cheating on your spouse for months on end builds up a lot of paranoia in them :
a. They are out of your loop so they need to find out what's going on in your life b. They don't want you to know they are curious what's going on cause they "are done" supposedly c. They lie left right and center and simply don't trust anyone after living a life of lies for that long. They start to see everyone as being as untrustworthy as they are
This is more of that behaviour of hers she doens't want you to know about much like the crying. She is interested, but she has a wall up when you are there is all. She's in pain and miserable and her solution is to do what she's doing as an escape.. It's pathetic and destructive and won't help in the long run... But she won't admit that to anyone.. Even if show knows it too...
She doesn't know I exposed him to his CO. Hell, the CO may not have even TALKED to this guy yet. I am not sure.
All I know is that she has called, texted, and FB messaged him since Fri, and gotten NO response.
He may respond today, he may not.
Last time, she messaged a friend to contact him, and he told that friend what happened.
I am sure if/when she finds out, that there will be an antimatter explosion coming from my house. Then again, she may never find out at all.
Maybe she should face the pain of total rejection on her own. She is CLEARLY hung up on this guy BADLY. Last time when I exposed, it just strengthened her resolve.
And she does put on a good front. You'd never know just by looking at her that she is that miserable.
Last edited by Quicksilver264; 07/11/1001:07 PM.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
You should check out Ken's post today, there is a lot of parallel between your situation and his... Both of your wives are very childlike and have very agressive OM pursuing them... Ken's dealing with a local one though and he's getting no support from the community including the in laws.. he's been going it alone for a while now
if you look at his post though you can see that his wife is starting to see what a creep OM is... took her MONTHS to figure it out, but they DO figure it out eventually at some point...
If you keep exposing until the excitement wears off it does help the situation... ignoring it is NOT going to make it go away that's for sure.
I think if he keeps on tuning your wife out she will start to get annoyed with it after a while... Right now he's controlling everything and your wife's just following along blindly... She may need to see more of the negative side of him...
Have you done any research on this guy? Don't be surprised if this guy is chasing other women too... that's what happened to me.. my wife found out he was with someone else...
I would do some extensive research on his internet activities elsewhere if possible.. get his ip address and do some cross referencing... A lot of these creeps like to have a lot of balls in the air...
Over two years of contact with him got through to her... She ended it like over half a dozen times already before that.. Finding out he was two timing her just put the nail in the coffin
And that's what finally got through to her? That he was cheating on HER?
Funny how it's okay when THEY cheat, but getting cheated ON? Totally unacceptable!
Well the upside is that maybe she got an inkling of what she did to you...
There are a lot of interesting points in here so I want to comment more in genral :
Eventually OP will show their true colours, its only a matter of time. The point of exposure is to apply stress on the end of the OP in particular if you can, as this will bring the reality of them out much sooner... Its like seeing a really handsome man on TV or something and then later seeing him curse and swear and make threats... completely takes the romance out of the first impression... The sooner you can get the OP to expose themselves for who they are the better... But YOU can't do it, THEY have to reveal themselves.. You can set the stage for that to happen though... by bringing "rain down on them" as QS calls it
I doubt even getting cheated on will take the full romance out of the affair or get any sympathy. I think they may feel foolish, but entitlement is the problem. WS often feel like there were problems in the marriage, so what I am doing is ok. What I am doing is simply fighting back. With the affair, its stage 1, you are all warm to each other and reality is shut out still... So if someone cheats on you THEN you feel robbed becasue you were the perfect mate still... You haven't had time to mess your partner up. Why cheat on ME when I haven't done any harm to you yet?
Most spouses in marriage KNOW they made mistakes when they find out they've been cheated on... But I think the WS feels different when it happens with the OP...
I think in marriage when you find out you've been cheated on that a lot of people partly take ownership of that problem and is why they chose to stay and deal with it... They KNOW they made mistakes.. Time gives you way too much opportunity NOT to mess your partner up a bit... Because of this damage the WS feels they can pursue an affair legitimately... unlike teh OP cheating...
There is a technical term in infidelity research called "monogamous infidelity" and another counterpart "polygamous infidelity"
These basically mean what they say... being unfaithful to your spouse, BUT faithful to your OP... this is very different from a WS who continues to pursue relations of any sort with their LBS while pursuing the affair... OFten there are lies in both directions.
In your case SR your H moved into the basement to prove to OW he was in a monogamous affair. To his mind he's being perfectly honourable and faithful to her so if she cheated on him HE would be the one who was treated unfairly... To his mind YOU made mistakes so He can legitimately cheat on you.. Particularly after three years in... I think he's pretty much accepted that you are ok with it.
To his mind he's the perfect husband... YOU made mistakes so its ok for him to cheat... If OW was caught cheating on HIM then he would be devastated.
In your case SR your H moved into the basement to prove to OW he was in a monogamous affair. To his mind he's being perfectly honourable and faithful to her so if she cheated on him HE would be the one who was treated unfairly... To his mind YOU made mistakes so He can legitimately cheat on you.. Particularly after three years in... I think he's pretty much accepted that you are ok with it.
To his mind he's the perfect husband... YOU made mistakes so its ok for him to cheat... If OW was caught cheating on HIM then he would be devastated.
Thanks for taking the time to respond to this, Allen. Appreciate it!
It helps me get inside his head and plan my next move...
So then act a little more upbeat. Just to piss her off.
Don't pout!!
Puppy
Don't ACT - BE IT. Be whatever you need to be when you need to be it. I personally wouldn't be worried about pissing her off, if you being happy and unaffected does this to her then so be it. Sounding good so far, and it really is hilarious to watch her worried about winning her OM back when she is already married.
Have you talked to the local churches? I'd go to church and mention to the preacher that you are having a problem in your personal life, and get involved with some marriage groups in the area. Its good to have support.
