You need to become aware of your mind reading and why you do it. Once you recognize it starting you can then apply a solution. You can't change the past but you can improve the now and your future.
the mind reading is something i've trained myself to do very early in life. i never liked to be blindsided so i have to think of all the possibilities ahead of time. this is why i mind read. i think you are thinking this .. so i will prepare myself this way. i don't like surprises. i don't handle surprises well. to me, when i get hit by a surprise, it means i didn't think of all possibilities and it is like failure to me.
even in the line of work that i do, i have to think about all the possible things a person can do and i have to take into account those paths. that's how you code to make sure all bases are covered.
i don't like stuff falling through the cracks. i try to be a perfectionist at what i do. i hold myself to that high standard and one of the things i'm best known for is coming up with the possibilities that the other guy didn't think about.
but in this case, i have no idea what to expect or what to do. so i don't know what the solution is. i don't know what is coming or going.
i just know that i don't have a good track record when it comes to this sitch. so i want to turn it around and just end it.
yes, it is out of fear. and i don't think i can handle it. i don't have faith in myself. i am predicting a downhill slide and i vowed at the very beginning that i didn't want to save myself from the grip of depression. that wasn't my goal.
i feel that all i have been doing was to do just that - save myself. when i believe that this is happening, i try to stop the db-ing .. "no, this isn't what i wanted." and then i resist.
