Time to elaborate on what led to the decision for me to finally cut my losses and seek D from WW.
Saturday night I told DD that it's time to put away the cell phone and take a bath. She said I'm going to TM mom and I said you need take a bath first then you can TM mom (she had been TM'ing WW all day). I'm trying to establish a boundary with DD's cell phone usage. So DD goes into the bathroom and calls WW and tells WW that I won't let DD call her. DD comes out of the bathroom and says "mom is coming to pick me up". I remove myself from the situation and have my mom call WW to find out what is going on.
In the meantime, my cell phone rings and I recognize the number as POSOM. I pick up and calmly say "you are causing the breakup of my family stop talking to my wife" and I hang up. POSOM calls again, I miss that call but I promptly redial...POSOM answers and I calmly tell him "If we divorce it will be your fault, stop talking to my wife" and I hang up. POSOM tries to call me 3 more times and of course I don't pick up. POSOM TM's me "your wife is scared of you...your problems started years ago before me...I only told your wife to be true and honest...I'm going to take your threat to the police now and will be pressing charges"...of course I don't reply because I make it a habit to not respond to mindless trite.
Twenty minutes later, two police cruisers show up at my parents house. I go outside to greet the police officers keeping my hands in plain view to ease their anxiety. One officer puts my hands behind my back to pat me down...standard operating procedure which I know...DD's see this and say "are they going to arrest daddy?"...my mom is freaking out crying and upset...with my hands behind my back I try to calm my mom. She takes DD's back into the house.
One of the police officers starts asking questions and asks if I know POSOM...I say yes, he is my wife's boyfriend. I own a hand gun that I had been trying to sell so they asked me where the handgun was and I told them it was in my car unloaded with a trigger lock. Fine...not their recommended storage solution for a firearm but nothing illegal. Then the police officer tells me that POSOM called the police because I had a firearm and he thought that I was a danger to my DD's, his family, and my WW...what a piece of...well...WORK! The police officer goes in the house and calls WW on her cell then comes out about 10 minutes later. The officer tells me there is nothing illegal going on...everyone is safe...thanked me for being cooperative and forthright. WW came with some friends to pick up both DD's and take them back home.
I TM WW two days later to ask if I can see DD's so I can get on record that WW is denying my visitation without any legal authority or court order.
She replies something to the effect of DD's were traumatized and I replied "that is a direct result of your boyfriends irrationality"
Later in the afternoon, I TM WW that "after the stunt that you and your boyfriend pulled Saturday, our marriage will now end in divorce"
We had FC Tuesday and our C had talked to me earlier in the day. FC and I held WW's feet to the fire. FC asked WW many times why she didn't ask DD if WW could talk to me to find out what was going on. WW tried three times to move on but I jumped in and said "no no no...I'm not done yet". I told WW that she owns DD's image of a police officer putting their daddy's hands behind his back when their daddy did nothing wrong and seeing their grandmother upset and crying for the first time in their lives. I also told her that she owes my mother an apology for what WW put my mother through. Then I told FC that I'm done now and she can bring in DD's...I was in complete control of the FC session and it felt GOOD!!!
WW did send my mother an apology email and talked to my mother on the phone.
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
Staying at the house this week so we can get it ready to sell while STBXWW and DD's go to FIL's for the week. So last night WW is going to take DD's over to friends for swimming...
STBXWW pours her second Sangria and I say "are you going to be able to drive" STBXWW replies "there's not much alcohol in these"...it worked because she only had a sip or two.
Then as they are going out the door I notice STBXWW had put cling wrap over the top of her drink so I told STBXWW "you know having an open container is illegal" STBXWW responds "what are you the police...unbelievable" then she put the drink in the refrigerator.
Twenty minutes later, STBXWW calls to ask if I can pick up DD's...I say yeah, I'll leave in about ten minutes...STBXWW says nevermind I'll bring them home...I say cool
I get up for work pretty early and I had to get up early yesterday so I wanted to have an early night...when STBXWW comes back I ask about sleeping arrangements and such then I tell STBXWW that I'm not a babysitting service.
I TM STBXWW that I don't appreciate nor do I like being taken advantage of. STBXWW says "welcome to the world of single parenting" to which I respond "I've had DD's since Thursday so I don't accept your premise"
Then we had the following TM exchange:
STBXWW: I really can't be there with you right now (implying I've done something wrong) M: You're the one who cheated on me so if anyone has a right to be upset about the situation it's me STBXWW: What does that have to do with watching DD's M: I was responding to the "I really can't be there with you right now" like I've done something wrong...you betrayed me...that's all I'm going to say on that matter right now STBXWW: You're so judgmental...I don't need that M: Well I didn't need the dagger plunged into my heart by the one person I trusted more than anyone on this Earth...goodnight.
STBXWW came home about thirty minutes later.
I kissed DD's goodnight and told them to have fun...told STBXWW to have a safe trip and Thank you.
STBXWW doesn't like the fact that I'm holding her accountable for her actions but the message is getting through to her none the less.
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
I also told STBXWW the other day that through the D I'll remain somewhere between civil and amicable and that's all she can expect from me.
"No More MR Nice Guy" has made an impact on me...previously I was the doormat...keep the peace...don't rock the boat. But lately I've become more tough love as no one has ever held STBXWW's feet to the fire.
In May, STBXWW's BFF told me that I should let her keep a "friendship" with POSOM so that is the advice that she is getting from her friends.
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
Left one detail out from three posts up...after bringing DD's back home, STBXWW was going back to her friends to go to the jacuzzi and that prompted the babysitting remark.
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
Please start a new thread. This thread is getting a bit too long, so I'm locking it. Shorter threads improve the speed and flow of this online community.
