I'm just concerned because I'm hearing a certain about of (justiable, I understand) anger and vindictiveness from your recent posts.
And if any thing, the legal/affairbusting "hardball" approach calls for even MORE of a counterbalance of civility and compassion.
You're a very analytical guy, CD, but I try to keep things very simple:
Aim for equal emphasis on both halves of the "loving detachment" scale. Neither too much "loving" nor too much "detachment." It is imperative that your wife see you as fighting a GALLANT fight, not a petty or vindictive one. Almost like a "reluctant warrior" sort of thing.
