I know, when I don't exercise I tend to have dreams after dreams and the quality of sleep is not good.
You are fighting for your marriage in the best possible way B. But it's not easy when your R is switched off just like that isn't it.
In my life, I have always known what to decide but this time I'm in turmoil. Lots of things thrown in at the same time and big decisions to make. I wonder where I will be in a year's time.
Well, having kids around on the school holidays hasn't been the best thing - They've brought a stomach bug into the house, so I had today off work, laying around and trying to get over it.
Not all bad though, I finally slept last night. A friend recommended smelling lavender oil and it really did the trick!
Dancing is back next week in full swing, so hopefully I'll be able to pick things up a bit then and the sleep will come easier.
I've not replied to W's email. It's been a week and a half, but I just can't bring myself to. I don't know if anything I can say will help or change things. I was online talking to some friends the other day, she logged into her account, then logged off very quickly. She only uses this account to talk to me (it was fairly new when I moved, mainly so we could video chat), and it was kind of nice to know that she's waiting on me.
Maybe she'll realise that I'm not replying and it will make her understand that she's shoved me out the door.
Regardless, the week has been better for not replying. I've not been getting home, logging on and thinking "God, has she replied? She should have replied by now, why hasn't she replied?". *I* haven't replied... she's waiting for me, so I don't worry about being blindsided.
I feel a little guilty, like the inaction could be disastrous and can't help... but worst case scenario has already happened. She's gone... she can't leave me AGAIN.
I've had a week and a half TRULY focusing on me... and the things I'm doing and the people I'm meeting, and you know what? I'm enjoying it.
Maybe this is what dropping the rope feels like.
Me: 29 H: 25 T:7yrs M:5yrs
Bomb: 23/04/10
Had no idea anything was wrong. Cheated so she could end it without talking.
I'm now over the stomach bug and it's dancing as usual. I've still not replied.
I've been up late most nights - still having trouble sleeping, but there are loads of people online ready and willing to chat, so I'm talking to loads of mates most nights.
I'd finished chatting last night, went and got a drink (about 1-2am or so), came back, shut down the comp and went to bed.
Just looking back at it now, around that time W had logged on at work again (she's been on and off the last few nights), and had sent me a "hey".
Don't know what to make of this. It's just plain odd.
Me: 29 H: 25 T:7yrs M:5yrs
Bomb: 23/04/10
Had no idea anything was wrong. Cheated so she could end it without talking.
If we are to go by what the DB coach said, it is not to be too removed from your spouse... apparently I am anyway. But I have mixed feelings on DB now. Do I really want to bust D, I'm asking myself.
Since I've hit the low for the second time a few weeks ago, I've been feeling content and free, as if I've been cut off from a chain.
The stitch is in a total limbo--- it's just totally dead. H keeps avoiding ANY talk of what to do. But I must say it was expected. The total avoidance of discussing/planning and deciding was a huge factor in our M derailing.
