My game has changed from WAW to EA/PA HELP!!

[SunnyD]

It's called a 180 CD... You 180 her by NOT being a doormat... Doormats get no respect and no chance in hell...

She's using you like some nerd from science class while she's off with sleazeballs who cut class to hang out in their van and smoke pot...

HA HA! Love this analogy!

And btw, CD, if D is sleepy, just make sure to cuddle her and kiss her and hold her... You know, all the great things Dads are esp. good at with their little girls. The big girls notice too!

[CD Bear]

Yes, indeed, sir.

Noted.

As the game prgogresses, I'm growing tired of the civility of softball.

W wants to play softball. Or convince me it's actually not ball at all.

Respect is the name of the game. And the game is HARDBALL!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

That's fine, but no one said that hardball shouldn't be civil.

Because it should be.

Puppy

[CD Bear]

In retrospect, I suppose civil was the wrong word.

Not sure what the right word is.

I suppose the best analogy is actually more to do the DB'ing and SBT.

She initiated the whole thing by doing something:
She announced the possibility of D.
My action (and I also stupidly talked about it) was to begin reading up on marriage and learning how it went bad and how to repair us.
Her next action was to pursue the EA
I got into DB softball
She crossed over into PA
I'm joining the DB Hardball team.

Simple Solution Based Therapy.
Less talk. More ACTION.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I'm just concerned because I'm hearing a certain about of (justiable, I understand) anger and vindictiveness from your recent posts.

And if any thing, the legal/affairbusting "hardball" approach calls for even MORE of a counterbalance of civility and compassion.

You're a very analytical guy, CD, but I try to keep things very simple:

Aim for equal emphasis on both halves of the "loving detachment" scale. Neither too much "loving" nor too much "detachment." It is imperative that your wife see you as fighting a GALLANT fight, not a petty or vindictive one. Almost like a "reluctant warrior" sort of thing.

In my opinion.

Puppy

[SunnyD]

I agree here. The thing is, people sometimes mistake anger for being "tough" (playing hardball) when anger is just a form of manipulation, which is trying to make the wayward spouse fall back in line. I don't think that's what you are doing, CD, but people fall in that trap sometimes when they go from being the doormat that's begging/pleading to going hardball. The pendulum needs to swing right in the middle of loving and tough.

[CD Bear]

OK. CALLING ALL ENCHANTERS!!!

I'm gonna need an attitude fine-tuning and script assistance as I have three major events this week.

Mon-Tues
-Opening personal bank account
-Getting W to sign Permission for me to take D
on vacation July 24-31
-getting W to sign agreement to move personal possesions
from house (NOT suggestin all; just two)

WED- Texting Infidellus Interruptus******

Thurs-Sat
-Delayed reading (and posting) off all recieved texts and
Vmail. NO RESPONSES UNLESS ENCHANTER APPROVED.
-Exposure of A at her work. Possibly with two male friends
of hers tht I know and are married. I'm hesistant to "call"
her mom or aunt because they are both in the region with
her. And I would like to start with her mom-in person. I
will try to expose to his parents
-Move all my non-essential possessions to storage

Sunday- The Confrontation will happen!
- My Acknowledgement of her A (with no evidence shown)
- ONCE- "I love you and Divorce is my LAST option"
- A must stop
-You have shown you have places to stay so I suggest you
make them full time until you stop the A.
-Calla will stay here as it is unhealthy for her to be
exposed to the A. You can visit her here by appt.
-If you won't stop the A, I will.
-Here (prepared in advance) is the banking arrangement.
-I have made an appt with a mediator regarding a Sep
Agreement.

Mon- Confront OM at his work. Not sure if I should directly
in front of W

That's as far as I am prepared.

ALL THE HELP I CAN GET, PLEASE.

[CD Bear]

I'm aware of the anger/vindictivemess creeping into my thoughts.

My guesses are they're from the awareness of the PA; the subsequent pain; and perhaps my B's "growing back"

PLEASE SEE POST ABOVE

[CD Bear]

Thanks, Sunny.

I'm really gonna have to maintain my cool.
My biggest concern is my tendency to over talk.
And PDT is correct in my analyzing to a fault.

PLEASE see post above #2036623

[Puppy Dog Tails]

OK. CALLING ALL ENCHANTERS!!!

I'm gonna need an attitude fine-tuning and script assistance as I have three major events this week.

Mon-Tues
-Opening personal bank account
-Getting W to sign Permission for me to take D
on vacation July 24-31
-getting W to sign agreement to move personal possesions
from house (NOT suggestin all; just two)

WED- Texting Infidellus Interruptus******

Thurs-Sat
-Delayed reading (and posting) off all recieved texts and
Vmail. NO RESPONSES UNLESS ENCHANTER APPROVED.
-Exposure of A at her work. Possibly with two male friends
of hers tht I know and are married. I'm hesistant to "call"
her mom or aunt because they are both in the region with
her. And I would like to start with her mom-in person. I
will try to expose to his parents
-Move all my non-essential possessions to storage

Sunday- The Confrontation will happen!
- My Acknowledgement of her A (with no evidence shown)
- ONCE- "I love you and Divorce is my LAST option"
- A must stop
-You have shown you have places to stay so I suggest you
make them full time until you stop the A.
-Calla will stay here as it is unhealthy for her to be
exposed to the A. You can visit her here by appt.
-If you won't stop the A, I will.
-Here (prepared in advance) is the banking arrangement.
-I have made an appt with a mediator regarding a Sep
Agreement.

Mon- Confront OM at his work. Not sure if I should directly
in front of W

That's as far as I am prepared.

ALL THE HELP I CAN GET, PLEASE.

I'll take a look at this as soon as I can, CD. Got a REAL busy day at work today.

Puppy