Allen wrote on QuickSilver's thread that QS's WAW's OM is a sleezeball who's probably juggling more than one woman. Allen said that's what happened with his wife. When she found out her OM was being unfaithful to her, they were over.
Allen then talked about monogamous (one) vs polygamus (many) affair partners. When it's one, everything chummy. When it's more than one? No so much.
Here's what he wrote to me:
Originally Posted By: Allen A
In your case SR your H moved into the basement to prove to OW he was in a monogamous affair. To his mind he's being perfectly honourable and faithful to her so if she cheated on him HE would be the one who was treated unfairly... To his mind YOU made mistakes so He can legitimately cheat on you.. Particularly after three years in... I think he's pretty much accepted that you are ok with it.
To his mind he's the perfect husband... YOU made mistakes so its ok for him to cheat... If OW was caught cheating on HIM then he would be devastated.
I think this is probably true. Part of the reason for moving to the basement is because we have a 6-month required separation in our state in order to file for divorce. We're 3 months into it now, and while there has been marked improvement in both of us, he's still downstairs, OW is still in the picture, and things could go either way in the next three months.
So since I can't hire someone to date OW and further exposure really isn't an option at this point (the only one who gets in trouble is me and it takes him months to get over it), I'm trying to think of some things that might push them further apart and end this within the next six weeks.
In addition to Larry's advice to play the hot MILF neighbor (which has certainly been fun!), and getting WH rethinking how "done" he is with me, I'm thinking about:
*Having flowers delivered to his work on our anniversary, July 26th (I hadn't planned to do anything for #24, but this might tick off OW and send a message to all that we're still together)
*Acting contrite at my court date on August 25th (where OW had me arrested for sending a harrassing email to her about her affair with my husband). I also plan to say, if told not to do anything like this again, "There's no need. I've read the police report. I already know how this ends." That will make WH curious to read the report as well, where he'll see that OW told the police she has no plans for a relationship with him.
Any other ideas?
I've been very low key for the last 3 months, so I don't want to come on too strong.
If I'm able to lure WH back into an emotional attachment with me, there's a LONG list of things that has to happen (OW being gone #1) before we can reconcile...
