Leash up those dogs and take them for a walk. It will get you some fresh air and give you something to do. Plus they will really appreciate it. I'm fresh into this, but I can tell you I have played more golf the last two weeks than I have the last two years. Clean the house, mow the yard, go to a local little league game and watch the little kids have fun. Find something to keep your mind off your problems.
Just a few of the things I have done. It took a while to feel any better at all, but damn, my house looks good.
M - 43 WAXW - 42 Married - 24 years Together - 25 years S - 23 - passed away 10/17/09 S - 22 Bomb - PA - 6/23/10 - WAW moved in with OM same night D-day - 9/17/10
Well I guess you do have two options here... Sit at home and focus on how horrible your life is at this moment, or look at this an entirely different way.. an OPPORTUNITY.
Focusing on negative side of things will get you nowhere... The people that really succeed with Divorce busting are the ones that make the most out of a bad situation... You KNOW what is going on with your Wife now.. so let her go.. Focus on becoming the person you have always wanted to be... find out what makes you happy and then do it, you have nothing holding you back now You are FREE.
I don't feel like do anything. I'm depressed and unmotivated. I don't want to drink......... so have a glass of wine I don't want to go outside.......so go for a walk I dont want to eat...........go out to dinner I can't sleep.............the wine will help It's hard to even hug my dogs...........so hug them I feel so alone........so go out with co-workers I don't have any friends anymore, because they all drink more than I do and that's their answer to problems.........so find some new ones At this actual point, I don't even feel like living. How do I deal with this? How do I start...where do I start...?
This is how you start....
I'm depressed and unmotivated.....pick something to do and do it; then do it again and see a doc about the depression I don't want to drink......... so have a glass of water I don't want to go outside.......so go for a walk I dont want to eat...........go out to dinner I can't sleep........so exercise It's hard to even hug my dogs...........so hug them I feel so alone........so go out with co-workers I don't have any friends anymore, because they all drink more than I do and that's their answer to problems.........so find some new ones
It's called "force yourself to start doing something". Literally force yourself.
What really hurt the most is how cold she was when she said that she is just "done" and she actually told me I wasn't even her friend. She's absolutely bitter and she stated the same reasons again and she is absolutely right!
I know in the past, when I have been really mad or just tired of being burned, I just became indefferent...I don't care at all and I cut off the problem. Live or die...doesn't matter to me. Not the right way sometimes and sometimes you feel like you should make another attempt, but you train yourself in that mindset to just move on. (Now that I'm on the other end of the stick, it doesn't feel nice. So I'm not doing it this way again unless I absolutely have no choice)
I was EXTREMELY fragile yesterday due to being exhausted I felt A LOT of deep deep sadness. I'm not going to kill myself, but if I had got hit by a Bus I probably would have said thank you. I just couldn't release the pain.
Last night, right before I went to bed...when I was staring at the TV and just thinking, I heard my text received sound on my phone. My feelings were pure fear. I picked it up...and it was my Wife sending me a tell that said "Have a good night"...I texted back "Ty and u have a good night too"..... and oh boy, I proceeded to BAWL off and on for the next 3 hours. I haven't cried like that since I don't know when...My mom died a few years ago and I only shed a couple tears. Not this time, I let it out and the release was so immense I actually felt pretty good afterwords.
Afterwards I started writing goals. My absolute first priority is to fix/find myself again. With nothing to lose and everything to gain, I'm moving forward. This goal is pretty self explanatory but I need to do this also for the fact that wether my wife returns or not, I must never enter this state of mind again. Especially with someone else.
Now I'm not going to lie, I'm hoping she see's my upcoming changes too and has a change of heart, but like so many people have said, my mindset is if she does and it helps GREAT! But if it doesn't, everyone of these changes are for me and me only. In a way, it's the biggest gift I can give myself. And my biggest display of Love I can show her is by setting her free to explore her chosen path. It hurts, I will miss her, and I truly did not know what I had til it was gone, but I have to change me to ever have a shot with a successful marriage with her or anyone that might come along down the road.
I'm not going to be strong like this every moment of the day and I'll have good days and bad days where I want to revert, but I'm taking immediate steps to eliminate prolonged durations of the bad stuff.
These forums have absolutely been a God send. You all have kept me focused on reality, curbed my feelings of running to what "I want to hear", and from continually embracing negative. Thank you and I wish every single one of you to have the strength, endurance, and Love to deal with all of your hardships.
I'm pretty sure I will keep posting on all the ups and downs, but hopefully a longer time inbetween posts.
You have to blaze your own trails. It has to be full of prosperity, success and FUN. Following the trails that these WAS's leave is going to make you physically ill. There is no success in it, in that they are not thinking about you or helping you to hold a good position. Stop worrying about it.
Blaze a new trail, thats what you have to do anyway.
Last night, right before I went to bed...when I was staring at the TV and just thinking, I heard my text received sound on my phone. My feelings were pure fear. I picked it up...and it was my Wife sending me a tell that said "Have a good night"...I texted back "Ty and u have a good night too".....
I'm not being anything other than courteous, no relationship talk whatsoever I'm not the one texting her first...and I also have the last word..how can I go wrong? I'm not taking the bait as everything is okay and expanding our conversation past that...I'm guilty of neglect FULL fledged Neglect....why is it in the best interest to not respond/communicate in this way.
That's how I'm viewing it...so what's your opinion and advice?
She knows where you are, what you're doing all the time. No mystery to you. No thinking when it comes to you. No allure, no mystery, no attraction, just plain ol' boring you, waiting anxiously for the next text message when you get a chance to show her you love her by responding quickly like a good little boy.
Let her text you. You were asleep when she texted and didn't reply back. You were out when she texted and didn't reply back. You were out with friends and having a good time and didn't have time to reply back.
I'm not saying you can't reply to her texts. Just don't reply to every one, let her wait a bit. You build up some suspense at your end, let her wonder "what's he doing? why isn't he responding back?"
That's the lesson puppy was trying to teach you, think outside the f!@#$cking box every now & then LOL!
We call this a 2x4 to the back of the head, enjoy it ;-)
