Does DB'ing work if OW is playing the victim?!?!

[xin]

Journaling:

H has just gone out to meet OW. Before leaving he asked me about moving out. I told him I'm not going to be able to move anymore. Things got ugly, H tried to throw out my laptop and phone, both from him. I cried and begged, which stopped him. I also give him a bit of guilt trip, accusing him of trying to throw me out on the street to fend for myself. H said something about killing himself so I can have everything. I ignored it. H then left to go on his picnic, I said have a good picnic.

[newmama]

Well bummer about having to beg and plead, but good job standing your ground and saying you aren't moving out and being strong and saying "have a good picnic!" loL! Of course he is throwing a temper tantrum...you aren't letting him have everything go HIS way...these WASs are so freakin selfish!


btw is he severely depressed?

[xin]

NMM,

My H has very low self esteem and I believe he is suffering from depression. Ever since he turned 40, he has been very unhappy with his looks, constantly worrying about his thinning hair, getting botox and all sorts of work done to his face.

[xin]

I've prayed for God to give H strength to come home if OW rejects him. Before H left for picnic, he said he had a bad weekend (which i knew already since i overheard his phone call with OW on Saturday night). I told him I had a bad year.

I'm kind of over H's threat to kill himself. He won't be doing it because of me so my conscience is clear.

[xin]

Got a txt from H to say OW has broken up with him. Despite what I said in the previous post, I immediately tried to call him but no reply. So I sent him a txt to ask him to come home and I love him. Also txt to say the OW didn't deserve him. Then I went out to look for him, knowing he wouldn't be too far away from home. He must have spotted me driving around, as he sent a txt to say he's ok and that i should go home. So here I am. I'll have to leave it to God again.

[MrBond]

OOH. DO NOT do that again.

Stop begging and pleading and throwing yourself at him. He might end up back with you because of this but then the next OW comes around and he's going to drop you again.

YOU have the power now. Start establishing yourself. Don't be surprised if he asks you to still move out. Stand your ground. You are entitled to be at the home. YOU aren't the unhappy one. Stop being a doormat.

[Vulcanized]

Journaling:

H has just gone out to meet OW. Before leaving he asked me about moving out. I told him I'm not going to be able to move anymore. Things got ugly, H tried to throw out my laptop and phone, both from him. I cried and begged, which stopped him. I also give him a bit of guilt trip, accusing him of trying to throw me out on the street to fend for myself. H said something about killing himself so I can have everything. I ignored it. H then left to go on his picnic, I said have a good picnic.

I got this same exact ration of $hit from my H. It had a whole lot less to do w/H seriously wishing to end his life than it did w/him trying to manipulate me & regain his flagging sense of control. Don't fall for this bull again.

[Vulcanized]

Got a txt from H to say OW has broken up with him. Despite what I said in the previous post, I immediately tried to call him but no reply. So I sent him a txt to ask him to come home and I love him. Also txt to say the OW didn't deserve him. Then I went out to look for him, knowing he wouldn't be too far away from home. He must have spotted me driving around, as he sent a txt to say he's ok and that i should go home. So here I am. I'll have to leave it to God again.

You need to come at H from a position of strength. Begging & pleading isn't it. Why the bloody hell would you tell your H that OW doesn't deserve him?!? Your H doesn't deserve you. You need to believe that, and secondary, you need to make H understand that. That is the only possible way for you to turn your sitch around.

I'm not being a hard-a$$ with you. I'm living every single word I post to you. My H is still w/OW, but I've taken the razor sharp hard line w/him. He freaks out & I am not backing down. I'm not sure exactly what the dynamic actually is, but 1.) I have my self-respect 2.) H is way more bothered by me than the other way around.

[newmama]

be careful. these affairs are like high school relationships...they break up, get back together, break up again....

[xin]

Thanks NMM, RNM & Mr B for all your advice.

H said I could stay as long as I want which was my intention anyway, I won't budge even if he changes his mind.

Now is the time I can really test DB. The following are what i'll be doing, please let me know it's nt consistent with your understanding of DB.

1.I'll do the 180; in my case, stop being a control freak about bills and expenses.

2.I'll continue to GAL and still be prepared for a possible D.

3.I won't inititate any R talk.

May God bless our M. God has been so good to me so far, I know I can continue to trust Him.