Thanks, Newmama . . . I appreciate your take on the situation and reminding me that it's not an "out there" reaction. Yes, I do think my H had sex with OW - I can't prove it but yeah right I think he just kissed her. Obviously I can't prove it, but I believe it.
So new update: My H brought dd home at 9pm tonight. She was in a great mood - showing me her souvenirs from somewhere my H took her. H left quickly (thank goodness) and I avoided engaging with him. I noticed my dd's toes were painted so I asked her who painted her toes. Of course . .. OW. Then she divulges that OW went to the amusement park with them too. I was floored and PO'd . . . texted my H and let him know that this was not cool. Told him "I will not tolerate u violating dd and our family by exposing her to your affair partner." He texts me back "Ohhh god. stop over reacting. just a friend that was willing to hang out with us. And dd was asking for her to come over today." What a sick, sick thing to say/do!!! And you know, my daughter actually likes OW - because OW brings her presents and paints her toenails. She's too young to know anything other than OW is a nice lady who gives her lots of attn.
So, I: texted a mutual friend (who actually agreed to be the one to show the glimmer of hope to him); texted his sister; texted OW's BF with a text that exposes. I plan to call his mom tomorrow and ask her to call him and give him a hard time over exposing dd to OW. Not sure I can refuse him access to our dd or prohibit her from being around OW. Again, in a no fault divorce state - and, don't think I can prove any immediate harm to dd. In fact, I think the L's could say that not allowing H access to dd is the harmful thing for dd. What a twisted, twisted world this is!
I have a lawyer on retainer but don't intend to file - just wanted to have someone ready right away if needed. Let my H dirty his hands if that's what he wants. Also, canceled the realtor for tomorrow too. He didn't even ask about it tonight so who knows . . .
Another thing - I know he has no $$$ so I'm not sure how he would file for divorce. It would be OW's $$ or maybe he would promise lawyer proceeds from sale of our house? Not sure if anyone would work that way in this housing market . . .
Wonder if I could get my lawyer to call him and say that he is representing me and that his client (me) has requested that he not expose our daughter to OW. Maybe just the gravity of a lawyer conveying the message would shake him up a bit.
Though everyone is on "Team Melody," no one is supportive of my trying to salvage the R. Everyone thinks I'm crazy for trying - they sympathize but can't understand why I would want such an a$$ back in my life. I have to admit that were it not for my dd, I'd be gone . . . the only thing that made me want to try again was the visual of imagining her being carted from low-end apt. to low-end apt., switching elementary schools while her parents moved around and reestablished themselves, and being exposed to parents' dating lives and the push/pull of divorced parents who can't work well together.
