Possible EA - Need Advice

[newmama]

Melody, you haven't blown it. As far as you were concerned, he left the marriage so it was over. You kissed a guy, and went on some dates? Hey, there are plenty of folks on this forum who actually ADVISE us to do that as a STRATEGY to get our spouses back! That doesn't make it right or wrong, it just means you aren't terrible or stupid or wacko for doing it. It means that obviously there is no real guidebook for this kind of thing, and some people found success doing what you did.

And remember this: It ain't over til YOU say it's over...(because you could still not let go even if he divorces you)


I realize you are dividing things but my stbxh and I divided things 15 months before he filed for D. So my point is division of STUFF doesn't mean that divorce is immediate and the obvious next step.

There is nothing wrong with informing your H one more time that you do not want the divorce, you own your mistakes in the marriage and want to make up for them, but that he needs to be willing to do a, b, c if he wants to save his family and marriage. And then you don't even need to say OR ELSE I will...or TELL ME BY thid date.... Just put it out there and see what he says. If he says "no this is what I want" then you can accept it. If he says"well tell me more....what can I do?" then you go from there. This is a rough sketch, obviously, but if you don't say it you will always wonder "what if I..."

OK and one more thing. Sigh. My IC told me that when a man is hell bent on being with the OW, chances are they "consumated" their affair with sex. My stbxh swore up and down and sideways that he only kissed OW. If I hadn't have found proof of the hotel room, I would have believed it forever! Now, I DO NOT want to project my sitch on to you. BUt I do want to share what my IC says. Does it change anything for you if he did sleep with her? Maybe you don't need to know or care to know. But once I found that out, I realized that it did make sense to explain his PASSION and messed up thinking. My stbxh had cemented his feelings for OW once they had slept together.