Just trying to push your buttons, unfortunately on TG. As everyone has told me, give him space. Clearly he is questioning his choices. Don't let him push your buttons. Keep on keeping on, Cathy. He's still in the tunnel. We have to keep all pressure off. Make tomorrow a great day for you!
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
My H hates me, I'm stating the facts and it's okay, too, because there's nothing I can do about it.
H stopped last night to get his paycheck, was an a##. I had stopped at McDonald's for S3 dinner, H hates that I let him eat McDonald's! I said what's wrong with McDonald's? H takes S there all the time, yet that's okay, I howevever am supposed to cook a meal or feed S at home. McDonald's is fine.
Wouldn't say anything, I asked him if he had to work on Friday and H said "maybe I do and maybe I don't" then asked H if I should let SS watch S3 and H said "I don't care that's between you and him" and left, wouldn't say goodbye. I however said good bye and Happy Thanksgiving.
I didn't invite H to my parents because I figured H wouldn't want to go and so then I didn't ask him. I'm tired of asking H and getting no's. Maybe the no's aren't so important, maybe it's the invitation that's more important.
How about going dark on the man? He seems to enjoy playing games with the questions you ask or what it is you do. Maybe you should not volunteer anymore info or even conversation. Let him do the asking.
((Cathy)) I am so proud of you. You don't need to react to H... just do what you've been doing. If he threatens, say ok...if he's nice, great. If he's an a$$ let him be...but you continue to be way above his level...say goodbye, wish him a happy holiday...exactly like you did. As for McDonalds, you go girl! Don't let h make your life harder than it has to be, kids love McDonalds and it sure doesn't kill them to eat there now and then.
I hope you had a great meal and gots lots of love and hugs from the little guy today...you deserve it!
Had a great TG with my family. My family doesn't know H moved back out, nor do a lot of our friends. So TG morning, I left a voicemail for my H letting him know he was invited to my parents for TG.
Didn't hear from H all day. Called Stepson last night to see how hunting was, he said he didn't see anything, he didn't hunt in the afternoon, nor did his dad, my H. So I have no idea what H did yesterday afternoon or evening, H did have to work today.
H called this morning, I didn't answer the phone until the third time H called. I knew he'd call and knew he'd keep calling. The first words out of his mouth were "what's son doing" I said do you want to talk to son and gave son the phone. I wasn't going to talk to H, I told son to say goodbye and then son said daddy wants to talk to you
H asked if I was going hunting today. I said no. H said and there you go again changing your mind. I said well I talked to StepS last night and I didn't think it was fair to ask him to watch S3 and that StepS probably wants to hunt more than I do anyway, so I wasn't going to hunt. It's cold here anyway. At this point H changed the subject. H wanted to know what the F***ing Bulls**t message I left on his cell phone yesterday was about? H said don't they know I moved back out? I said no they don't. I'm discussing that with anybody anymore, what's important now is that I'm happy, I'm doing fine and that son is doing fine. Those are the important things right now. H didn't say anything after that either. H then asked who was at my parents, and if anyone had gotten a deer, I said no, we then talked a little more about my family.
H then said he went to a party at a bar Wednesday night and some of our friends were there, but they were "unsociable" I said did you talk to them? H said no they were in their little cliques, but then said he talked to D for about two minutes, had one drink and left. I said they're your friends, you're a good person, why didn't you talk to them. H then asked me if they knew he had moved back out I said no. H said why not? I said because it's none of their business, I'm not talking about it with anyone anymore. I have to keep repeating thing to my H, too.
H said that StepS went to H's brother for turkey dinner Wednesday night and H said he didnt' go...how bad is that? Won't even go to his own brother's.
I think my H spent TG eve and TG with his friend GUILT. H was mellow today, didn't seem so pissy either.
Good for him. The really great thing is that you are doing so well...not reacting to him, instead staying your course. Good for you for not discussing your R with other folks, if that bugs him...let him announce to the world that he's moved back out. It's not your job.
It's your job to take care of YOU and your kids...son, stepsons..etc.
I was up pretty late last night as son had sleep over and the boys were watching movies, but I am in Ak..so my time always shows up different than what it really is...it was probably more like 10 my time when I posted....
You keep hanging in there and Db'ing...he'll come to his senses....
Here's something interesting I saw...when he asked about people knowing and you said you weren't discussing that..he calmed down and talked to you about your family... what's important now is that I'm happy, I'm doing fine and that son is doing fine. Those are the important things right now. H didn't say anything after that either. H then asked who was at my parents, and if anyone had gotten a deer, I said no, we then talked a little more about my family.
Then, he tried to once again drag you into his drama.... H then said he went to a party at a bar Wednesday night and some of our friends were there, but they were "unsociable" I said did you talk to them? H said no they were in their little cliques, but then said he talked to D for about two minutes, had one drink and left. I said they're your friends, you're a good person, why didn't you talk to them. H then asked me if they knew he had moved back out I said no. H said why not? I said because it's none of their business, I'm not talking about it with anyone anymore. I have to keep repeating thing to my H, too.
You handled that like a champ. Then, he tried to make you feel sorry for him, or so it seemed to me.... H said that StepS went to H's brother for turkey dinner Wednesday night and H said he didnt' go...how bad is that? Won't even go to his own brother's. Again, sounds like you handled this well...not giving in to making a big deal about it. What he does is his choice. Remember that! And you did!
And I think your observation is right on track with .... I think my H spent TG eve and TG with his friend GUILT. H was mellow today, didn't seem so pissy either.
Cathy, I agree with alaskangal; you handled it all well, with calmness! You deserve a pat on the back!
Just don't let him draw you into his crap or let him start an argument. By doing what you did, you took the wind out of his sails! LOL Brought a smile to my face!
Good girl!
Let your H go through his guilt thing on his own, you just go about your business.
I do feel good about saying that I'm happy, and I'm doing fine and son is happy and that that's the important thing.
H was here this morning bright early. Called me on my cellphone cause I as on line. He said why haven't you been answering the phone, I've been trying to call all morning..it's about 8:15. I said hmmm the ringer was on the phone, H said I just called two minutes ago and the line was busy..well duhh I was on line..so H wasn't really CALLING all morning, just called me once. Anway H didn't go up North last night, probably because I wasn't going hunting and StepS also came back last night.
H was on his way to our house, H wanted to take son up north to his parents overnight, I said okay. H got here went directly to the library (bathroom)--it's kind of funny because it's usually his first stop when he gets here Okay I know more info than you need. So son goes in there to talk to his dad, comes out with a piece of mail that H wants me to read--about our health insurance. Son goes back in to talk, son comes back out and asks me how long we've lived in this house. I'm pretty sure H sent him with the question and it dawned me it's five years this weekend!
H was in a mellow mood or shall I say good mood this morning, said Good Morning to the me on the phone..I initiated, and even said goodbye when they left.
H did go off on my about sending son to sitter's without gloves,..so we did kind of go back and forth about that, I should have just agreed with H and ended it there. It is what I need to do when he brings child issues. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of our son, but when H is around H thinks he has to tell me what to do, no demand. So from now on I'm just going to agree and say "you're right" because it's a dead end argument.
So I had the day to myself, I went shopping, bought two new pair of pants, TWO pairs of gloves for son, some scrapbooking stuff--my winter hobby. And tonight I'm going to a basketball game with my StepS. Originally I was going to take little guy with me, but H took him. I was contemplating going to the game by myself and would have if StepS hadn't agreed to go with me.
The mood today, no expectations, no perceptions...DETACHED from H. We all know it can change in a minute. At least with PMS you know the cylce, the days when it's the worst, but with MLC there is no cycle. There are stages.
H did go off on my about sending son to sitter's without gloves,..so we did kind of go back and forth about that, I should have just agreed with H and ended it there. It is what I need to do when he brings child issues. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of our son, but when H is around H thinks he has to tell me what to do, no demand. So from now on I'm just going to agree and say "you're right" because it's a dead end argument.
Good for you. Better yet, just say....I'm sorry it upset you that I didn't send gloves with him...I'll try to remember to do that from now on. And then let it go.
That puts it on him in a way, but still shows positive intent to correct the sitch for him... you aren't sorry you forgot to send gloves, just sorry it upset him...LOL
Okay I know more info than you need. So son goes in there to talk to his dad, comes out with a piece of mail that H wants me to read--about our health insurance. Son goes back in to talk, son comes back out and asks me how long we've lived in this house. I'm pretty sure H sent him with the question and it dawned me it's five years this weekend!