Soooo, my wife and daughter have been in China for two weeks, and will return in 5 days. I don't know, haven't asked, and don't want to know whether or not my wife has spent any time with DJ. The day she left I gave my wife a letter, telling her how I felt about the whole situation, and also sharing my thoughts [emphasis on from my perspective] on how I felt we can repair/rebuild our relationship/marriage. My wife was pretty resentful for the first 1-2 days after arriving in China but, since, she has called every two days or so, and has [tried to] share how things are going over there. I'm not naive. IF she has spent time with DJ, she's certainly going to 'omit' these details from in her conversations with me. My gut tells me she has made an effort to 'intentionally' keep me somewhat informed of her daily activities. (in a good way)
I know it's highly likely that she's gone to see DJ though. To use snodderly's words above, all I can do is pray that she has behaved herself with him, and not crossed any lines she shouldn't cross. I want to share a portion of an e-mail I sent to her about three days ago: ----------------- This mess has been going on for one year already. One thing I've realized during this time is that you and he have something unresolved since you two broke up more than twenty years ago. Something emotional, psychological, maybe unresolved anger because your parents made you two break up, or whatever. I don't know and I don't care. That's between you and him to resolve. I will respect that. I don't want to know how you come to peace with him. All I care about is that you will realize very soon that you cannot have it both ways. You cannot maintain a relationship with him, and expect us to be a family. At some point (I pray soon) you have to break things off with him, completely and permanently. No friendship, no nothing. It will eat you up inside if you try to keep this going indefinitely.
As for you and me, we have a long, difficult road ahead of us in terms of re-building our friendship, respect and trust towards each other, and finally, our marriage and family. We've been through a lot together. I feel in my heart that our marriage is worth fighting for. My heart tells me that, deep inside, you feel the same way. I carry alot of pain in my heart every single day because of some of the harsh ways I have treated you in the past, and what a fool I have been towards you. I know I cannot make up for my past mistakes. The past is gone already. I just remind myself daily try my best to treat you well and give you the respect and trust you deserve. --------------------- I feel the message I gave her is very direct. I've mentioned previously that my wife has always been a very reactionary type of person. Six months ago she would have reacted to such a message with anger, take it as me trying to 'control', etc... So far, she hasn't acknowledged the e-mail/message, nor given any hints about her reactions to it one way or the other. What I can say is that the day I took her to the airport two weeks ago she was wearing her wedding ring at the airport. Yeah, yeah, I know. She could have been wearing it 'just for show.' However, giving her the benefit of the doubt, I don't think she'd wear it to the airport just to put on an act, so to speak. That being said, fast forward two weeks to her reading my e-mail from three days ago, and her subsequent 'non-reaction'. Can you all offer any insight on how I should take her silence on the matter...in the context of her wearing her wedding ring to the airport? All thoughts, head-bashings, putting me in my place are welcome... Thanks for reading.
