Good point, Grace. I guess I just thought we would let things sink in being that it was such a big move. But, then again, since he has been done with the M for 8 months now, I shouldn't be too surprised.
Well, before the latest blow up, it looked like H coming over each evening he didn't have work stuff going on (at least 3 nights/wk) and playing with DD, feeding her, bathing her, putting her to bed. Usually, 2 of those night, he would stay until about 10ish and we would hang out, watch a movie, chat, work, whatever. We each got a morning to sleep in on the weekends so on my morning to sleep, he would be over around 6:30am before DD woke up and would stay all day until after bedtime. Sometimes we would do weekend activities with friends. There was definitely physical affection between us, hugs initiated by H, kisses by me. Going into that routine my argument was 'we need to do everything we can to save this so lets try to make it like a real marriage'. H agreed to that but after explaining to me, that he sees me as a friend, not a W, and just wanted me to be aware of that when it came to physical interaction.
Once I return home, I don't expect any of that. Of course, I hope that he keeps up interactions with DD, but I don't think he will continue to want to hang out with me. Who knows.
Of course, I hope that he keeps up interactions with DD, but I don't think he will continue to want to hang out with me. Who knows.
You're right. Who does know....
I hope he keeps up with your D also. My H has. B/c D's are older (D18 and D15) and b/c of where he lives (60 miles away) he sees them once a week (once in a blue moon, maybe twice). To his credit, he has maintained that for over 2 years. You never know.
That he wants to be friends is good. After all, what is love if not friendship on fire?
That he wants to be friends is good. After all, what is love if not friendship on fire?
Grace, I love the analogy!!!!
Originally Posted By: lala09
There was definitely physical affection between us, hugs initiated by H, kisses by me. Going into that routine my argument was 'we need to do everything we can to save this so lets try to make it like a real marriage'. H agreed to that but after explaining to me, that he sees me as a friend, not a W, and just wanted me to be aware of that when it came to physical interaction.
lala, These are really good interactions with you H. I am just a little concerned about something....I know your M is not where you want it (obviously, you are separated from your H) but some of the interactions you are describing here are very good IMO and many on these boards would "kill" to get to that place. IMO unless your H is engaged in an ongoing A you want these interactions to continue. Certainly makes it harder to detatch but if you go back and read DR, MWD asks you to identify what works and do more of that, while at the same time you are focusing on you and improving you. The other thing is that as your H does more of the things that evoke those feelings of love, he will rediscover those feelings of love for you.
You know your sitch best and you know your husband better than what we know and we have to rely on you for imformation about your sitch. You are getting alot of good advice, reading DR, DB Coach, here on the Boards. Make sure you are matching the right advice with what the situation calls for.
No matter the Sitch, No matter the advice, you are working on yourself, which you are doing. Great Job! The reason you are detatching is to keep your emotions in check so that you don't have anymore outbursts which negate any progress you have made.
I hope your return home goes well, when are you going back?
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
I would like for those interactions to continue as well, but I think it will take some time to get back there (if at all) after my recent outburst. Again, who knows, and I am trying not to thinks about the 'what ifs'. I have a lot to look forward to for me:
1. This weekend I am heading to Put In Bay for a girls weekend 2. Returning home (probably on the 19th or 20th) and settling into MY home without my parents and siblings around (God, love 'em!) 3. Job interviews 4. Working the 'New Here?' table at church starts the weekend of the 24th 5. New Bible Study with some amazing women most of which are new moms too 6. Toning up my bod now that I have lost all of the weight 7. I have a hot list of books to read and get lost in (I'm a bookworm, aka, nerd) 8. Catching back up with my dear friends that have been so awesome through all of this
The books aren't relationship focused (I need a break every now and then!), but more girly fiction: Girl With The Dragon Tattoo Glass Castle The Summer We Read Gatsby
Glass Castle is a great book. Jeannette Walls also released a new book late last year called Half Broke Horses. I haven't read it but plan to.
Another good read was Towelhead...I think they have.. or are..making it into a movie. It is definitely a bit disturbing...but I think both of these books are in different ways.
It sounds like you have got a great list already....
