You sound really in control, G. I am really sorry he said no to working on the relationship. Were you surprised? I imagine it would have been very hard to hear. So dissapointing. How did you react? Did you say nothing? I suppose that means you wont be bringing up R for a while? I like to think of you two sitting there listening to music. Quality time. Friendship is the first step, I suppose, to any future realationship, be it coparenting or something more... Sorry to be nosey, but how do you greet each other when he comes over? A hug? A smile? How does that side of things work? And...last question... how many nights per week would you say WH stays over?
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
Was I surprised? I thought I had a 50/50 chance, so I wasn't surprised. I was just more irritated/disappointed all over again-- why? It still doesn't make sense. I didn't let him see my disappointment, though. Yeah, I just said "Okay, so we shouldn't hang out like we have been."
Yeah, WON'T be bringing up R until January! Hopefully he brings it up first...
Gosh, how do I greet him? Definitely not a hug. We haven't touched. (Did I tell you, though, that the third time he spent the night he took his shirt off? And the fourth time too!)
A few times I've smiled. Yeah, I think so. And other times I just say "hey". Really, P, we act normal with just a little bit of awkwardness. It's weird.
About staying over, I told him if he didn't want to R, he shouldn't stay. But now that I've sort of been rethinking that. . . I'll let him stay if he asks. I wouldn't be surprised if he does. He already has twice and I've said no twice.
gotta go!
me, 30 WH, 29 D born June 2010 M: July 2001 Bomb/S: 1/14/10 Done with it all.
Well about the schedule...once you are able to get away from your daughter to have some time to yourself and your H will take care of her....guess what? YOU can switch the schedule around to meet your needs as they arise!
Hey,maybe your H was taking off his shirt so that you would, too! (haha! just joking!)
I see why you told him that he needed to pack...you were hinting that he hit the road so that you could nurse!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
About the time thing: he didn't realize that I needed him to come over so I could do stuff. He thought we were going to hang out. (Poor WH doesn't think too much about reality!) So he realized that he didn't prioritize the time and was apologetic. I laid out at the pool, went to Whole Foods, and then did an intense walking-hills exercise! It was very nice to get out. I also made us a pizza so we sort of did the dinner thing.
But, P, since I was mad at him for changing the time, I wasn't very welcoming when he came in!
I tried to amend for that, though, after I realized he was sorry and he didn't understand fully. It's so weird that communication has to be worked on even when you're not actively in an R.
He'll be back again tomorrow...
me, 30 WH, 29 D born June 2010 M: July 2001 Bomb/S: 1/14/10 Done with it all.
. It's so weird that communication has to be worked on even when you're not actively in an R.
ain't that the truth! It is even super important when you are divorced!
Well, I am glad to hear your H was just being an air head and not being selfish on purpose! Gatsby, I swear, he is truly going through some latent adolescent phase! Honestly! PHASE means TEMPORARY.
You are doing very well to be trying to nurture the friendship right now...I know it is hard but for your sitch, I really think it is worth the effort! Leave no stone unturned, right?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
