Sometimes I just plain forget H is in a MLC state of mind, that there is a MLC state of mind. Then I have to remind myself that H never believed in PMS, that there is a PMS state of mind. H doesn't know he's in MLC though, I know when I have PMS.
H seems out of the tunnel for longer periods of time and then I think everything is going okay and then BAM A WALL is up.
I was going nuts driving into work this morning thinking this, thinking that, and then I read Vinlad's response and it all makes sense again. There's nothing I can do to help H through this, H has to come through on his own. It's not me, it's H.
I will definitely read up again on MLC stages. I was so busy reading survinginchicago's thread this weekend that I thought I was her
I am doing fine, I'm doing the best I can under the circumstances I'm in....withough going stark raving mad!!!!
I have Ozzie's song in my mind, the one where he starts out laughing manically. Crazy Train?
Crazy, but that's how it goes Millions of people living as foOLS Maybe it's not too late To learn how to love And forget how to hate Mental wounds not healing Life's a bitter shame I'm going off the rails on a crazy train I've listened to preachers I've listened to fools I've watched all the dropouts Who make their own rules One person conditioned to rule and control The media sells it and you live the role Mental wounds still screaming Driving me insane I'm going off the rails on a crazy train I know that things are going wrong for me You gotta listen to my words Yeh - h Heirs of a cold war That's what we've become Inheriting troubles I'm mentally numb Crazy, I just cannot bear I'm living with something that just isn't fair Mental wounds not healing Who and what's to blame I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
Okay so maybe it's not that bad, but it is just darn crazy sometimes!!
When's the last time you went and did something nice just for you? It's the holiday season, girl! Go get a great outfit for New Year's Eve and make some plans...with or without him. Buy something cute to wear for Thanksgiving and Christmas and then get your hair and nails done. Can't afford it? Charge it! Time to get yourself some early Christmas presents...go shopping, lift your spirits.
Here in Ak, it's getting darker and colder all the time..so I've decided it's up to me to generate some light and some heat. And I can't really afford it, but am gonna do it anyway....I deserve it.
I am feeling the same blues everyone seems to have caught on the bb of late...so, time to shake things up a bit in my world...I suggest you do the same....
Not happy? Do something for yourself...you are responsible for your own happiness....stop waiting for someone else to make you feel good....go out and get you some feel good! If you look good, you feel good...so go take care of you....buy something fabulous ...get a facial....do whatever it takes to shake the winter blahhs....
And then come back and tell us all how great you feel.
I am going Xmas shopping for MYSELF this year and get what I WANT. I've already decided that much. I'm always disappointed at Xmas because I never get any really fabulous gifts...this year I will because I know exactly what I like
Do need a few new articles of clothing though. I bought a lot of new summer clothes, but haven't done much for this winter yet. In fact, I'm still using the same handbag that I used all summer! I do need a new purse, it's not a winter style at all. My pants are awful..alright you talked me into it I'm planning a little shopping spree for myself, the best sales are happening, too!!
I'm also trying to think of something fun and fabulous to do for New Year's Eve this year! Haven't been out in years.
Just thinking, could OW be pushing H to do something? And H doesn't want to make a decision, so is PUSHING me and PUSHING me. Who knows what H is telling OW about me!
I agree with Vinlad, your H is just going through another stage of MLC. You're right, he has to go through it alone and without help. Give him space and don't take it personally. Otherwise you're doing fine. Sounds like it's time to shop for Cathy! LOL
H just called. Asked what I was doing tomorrow. I said I'm going to my mom's for TG. H said what time. I said oh about 11:00 and then H asked why? I said because she's eating at 12:30 and the Packer's are on. I asked him why he wanted to know and H said "I'm coming over to move the rest of my stuff out? I said "okay" and "why tomorrow?" H said becuase I don't want S to see me. I said what are you taking? H said everything. I said won't you need a truck? H said I'll use mine. I said you'll have to take a couple loads. I just said okay.
I asked H if he was hunting tomorrow he said he didn't know "depends" I said "depends on what" H said "we'll see". H did say he was going up to his parents tonight though, depends on how drunk H gets tonight. So H admitted that H was hunting tomorrow...
Then H told me that there's a suprise B-day party for SIL on 12/19 be there before 6:30. H said his brother just called to tell him. H asked his brother if he should bring his wife or his gf. Brother said to bring both! I just laughed when my H said that. H then said I'm not going anyways.
H asked if I was going to the Bowl game, I said I don't know. H then said go and take your boyfriend. I said bf doesnt' want to go. H said why not? I then said I don't have one. Then said why don't you go with me. H said no.
H then asked if I was going to his brother's tomorrow. I said I wasn't invited, if I would have been invited I would have gone. H then something about not going with him and then brought up the fact that I did go with H two years ago, which is when his brother had it at his house. I said if I would have been invited I would go. I asked H if his parents were going and H said no. H didn't know what his parents were doing. H's brother/SIL are not having anything tomorrow, so H made it all up. He told me Sunday night that his parents were going to his brother's, too!!..
Then H asked when I was going hunting. I said I'm going Friday, SS offered to watch S3. He said why is SS watching son, let SS hunt. I said okay I'll see if I can get a babysitter for the afternoon, which is fine with me. H didn't know if he had to work or not on Friday, but his going to call me back when he finds out. If H isn't working on Friday then H will take our little guy out with him to just sit.
You are doing wonderfully! You didn't freak out when he said he was coming to get the rest of his stuff...and knowing his patterns, he may or may not come and get it. Be prepared for either.
Do you like SIL? If so, go to her party! Make it about her...not H. Take the kids and get her a nice present.... If you don't like her...then pass on the party.
Do you have any platonic male friends? Could you find one to go to the bowl game with you? I would. Or better yet, can you get a few friends to go with you...dress nice, go in a group, and have fun without H.
I'd call the brother's house on Thanksgiving and wish all a happy day. Then you'll know for sure whether folks are there or not and yet, it appears innocent enough to want to wish family a happy holiday.
Let him watch the little guy while you hunt. It's the least he can do...and you have a great time hunting. Do you have friends to go with you? Take them! Get home late...take a change of clothes and show up to pick up little guy looking great...casually mention stopping for a few drinks or dinner out after hunting with friends.
Do not let him see you upset! If he asks if you even care that he is getting stuff out...say of course you do, but you can't do anything about it. Tell him you love him, but realize he has to do what he has to do. Tell him you haven't given up on the marriage, but that you want him to be happy.
Now, here's the joke I am telling all today....for a giggle..you can change the mother in law to OW or whoever else you'd like to put in the second hearse... A woman was leaving a convenience store with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her, a short distance back, were about 200 women walking single file. The woman couldn't stand her curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?" The woman walking the dog replied, "My husband's." At which time she was asked, "What happened to him?" The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him." She than was asked, "Well, who is in the second hearse?" The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her." A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women when the woman was than asked, "Can I borrow the dog?" "Get in line."
Quote: You are doing wonderfully! You didn't freak out when he said he was coming to get the rest of his stuff...and knowing his patterns, he may or may not come and get it. Be prepared for either.
H has said this before and hasn't followed through yet. It's like when he keeps mentiong divorce. H is just trying to get a reaction out of me. Today I just said "okay" and that was it. I'm not begging or pleading or telling him not to anymore.
