a. Both of you not distrated from a third party b. Both of you attending famliy therapy to work on improving how you participate in your marriage c. Both of you working together to explore a possible reconcilliation
Give that at LEAST six months under those circumstances and then invite her to make another check...
THIS is the formula for a CHANCE at marital repair...
Anything LESS than this is unfair...
If she agrees to the above but asks you to live elsewhere you might consider it... I don't reccomend it, but if she insists on it I would tell her if you find any indication that there is anything going on with you and OM that you are moving back IN and SHE moves OUT... IMMEDIATELY
a. Both of you not distrated from a third party b. Both of you attending famliy therapy to work on improving how you participate in your marriage c. Both of you working together to explore a possible reconcilliation
Give that at LEAST six months under those circumstances and then invite her to make another check...
THIS is the formula for a CHANCE at marital repair...
Anything LESS than this is unfair...
If she agrees to the above but asks you to live elsewhere you might consider it... I don't reccomend it, but if she insists on it I would tell her if you find any indication that there is anything going on with you and OM that you are moving back IN and SHE moves OUT... IMMEDIATELY
Since the affair isn't open discussion yet, I've only offered B & C from your list. She refuses to go to therapy with me.
The problem with the more "pushy" options is that she already has one foot out the door. Pushing to hard for FT, etc, may just leave me with a door slamming in my face.
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
BTW, I truly appreciate your script examples. I'm modifying them now to suite my needs.
I feel I'll need to bring some notes with me to this conversation... I've never been good at memorization.
Is it bad to leave notes behind for her? Maybe just bullet points of what I'm trying to get across. I know some people shut down in conversation and won't actively listen. Maybe giving her something to review later will help my points sink in?
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
SG, everyone says this... Everyone is afraid to play hardball because they are araid your wife will leave...
Going SOFT on her got you into the short end of an affair triangle... And you want to go back for another round?
Your call, but I would hit home HARD that romping about iwth OM is COUNTER-INTUITIVE to her "need a week to sort things out" deal...
And I will warn you becuase OM pulled this stunt on my wife... She tells him to back off for a week and he calls her every night to say "I missed you.. I am sorry I am calling but I just can't help myself..." and SHE eats it UP drop by drop
She's setting you up man.. and you are gonna walk right into that trap...
Hit her HARD
Family therapy = a must OM is gone = a must
Or SHE can MOVE OUT...
If she offers both of the two earlier then you offer her SIX months instead of a week
Tha'ts a sweet deal in my opinion.. If she turns her nose up at that you go hardball bigtime and hit teh OM with every bullet you have or this is going to get VERY UGLY VERY FAST
DOn't ASK her to go to Famlly Therapy... you TELL her that sorting things out with OM for the last few months in secret and now spending a week independintly to decide the fate of her AND you is unfair...
Tell her she needs at least SIX months with a PROFESSIONAL FT and NO OM interference to sort that out... a week is NOT going to help her... and walk OUTO of the meeting
Don't try to negotiate at length.. you offer her a sweet deal and then she takes it or leaves it... NO MORE chatting wtih OM.. it ends THEN and THERE.. not even a GOOD BYE...
If she gives you ANY backtalk you tell her to pack her things and you exit teh conversation...
SHe is TRYING to sneak ino an OPEN marriage man... you have to HIT that HARD... She woudl NEVER tolerate YOU pulling this stunt, so you give her what she would give YOU if you tried to pull this stunt...
Don't leave her notes no... You say what you ahve to say and you exit.. do NOT LINGER in the meeting.. it should not last more than five or ten mins MAX
It is VERY important that you are CIVIL but FORCEFUL here... If you go begging and meandering around and blubbering and ASK her to end it instead of saying "I will NOT live in a home with you while you are openly cheating on me... And I will NOT cover up this infidleity.. It is disrespectful and cruel" and you walk away befroe it gets into a name calling match
If you are gentle or try to negotiate iwth her she will SMELL your FEAR and she will get forceful on you...
You HAVE to show her you are PISSED OFF and you will NOT ACCEPT a third party looming over your marriage's head at ALL...
If you go soft she will just give you a "I will decide what I am going to do and you can just go away for now" and then you are gonna fall apart...
You have to show her YOU are NOT going to accept the current arrangement she has going... You can't force her to stop seeing him, but you CAN show her you will not tolerate her rude behaviour by directing her to leave.
"This home was bought for an honest couple who work on their marraige... Not for cheaters... Find someplace else to stay "
And you walk away.. do NOT let her bait you into a fight
I will not tolerate this... I love you and respect you but this is incredibly disrespectful... leave the marital home, you are not welcome here unless you chose to participate in this marriage like an adult... If our situations were reversed you wouldnt' accept being delegated to a Safety Net while I comparison shop and I am not gonig to accept that either... Respect for each other is Imperative here.. Either you are giong to extend that as I am or you know where the door is.
She may threaten divorce... You tell her you made a commitment to her and you are not going to issue threats like this and you expect the same from her...
if she starts threatening again you tell her she knows where the door is and walk AWAY before it gets ugly
is there anyone on OM's end you can lean on to embarass him and put some pressure on him?
AT his workplace maybe?
I know where OM works, and I know he is good friends with many of his co-workers. I've been debating the idea of outing him publicly in front of them.
I've talked to OM's parents once or twice over many many years, but I do know how to get a hold of them.
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
