Your husband is in the depression stage and getting ready for withdrawal. You are right, there is nothing that you can do and you must keep your expectations as zero. Do not ask him for a hug any more. If he wants to give you one, he will.
Go read the stages again and read depression and withdrawal stage. It is going to get harder as he gets deeper into these stages. You are going to think that he is angry at you all the time and he is not. It is the anger within himself and they do take it out on the spouse.
He anger is at himself and you can tell by him cutting himself down and the whole nine yards. He is going to blame it on you because he doesn't want to look at himself. He will get through this and you can not interfer in this because as you have said, the answers are within.
The best thing that you can do is detach. Listening and validating when he talks with you and being silent when he says nothing. It is a love/hate relationship right now. I'm there myself right now. HB calls it the back and forth or mix messages. One minute you are okay to talk to and be with and the next he can't stand you.
The only way to break this cycle for yourself, is to ignore what he is going through and not get on the rollercoaster with him. Excepting the fact that you can not take this pain away from him and that you can not fix anything. You have made all attempts to do that so far and nothing has worked. Also, go to the MLC board and read what Snodderly wrote about the reconnection. When it is true reconnection.
You will find alot of your husband there as well. You can not make this happen any faster for him. I know that you want him to stop and you want him to get through this faster, but he isn't going to.
You are the only one that can stop allowing Monday's to be this way for you. You can not stop them being that way for your husband, he has to do that as well. Just decide that you are not going to be sucked in by his attitude.
I can guarantee you that he doesn't like being this way either, but doesn't know how to shake it. He is the only one that can figure that one out for himself. Just continue to be kind, patient, loving and forgiving.
Take the time to really read the last few stages of MLC. You will be surprised how much of your husband is in them.
