I am having another one of those harder days. I can only sum it up by saying, "I miss my W". Nothing else, just real simple, I have not seen her nor spoken with her since last Monday, July 5 when she dropped D13 off in the morning before me and the kids left on vacation. We texted briefly on Tuesday but otherthan that we have not communicated at all. We usually talk every other day about the kids or something and I see her usually 2-3 times a week.
I am not thinking about the future, the past, loss of M, or anything.... just missing her. I realize I have not really given her the chance to "miss" me through all this. I am going to continue to not initiate any contact and and see how long it goes.
I did get out of the house today to catch up with our best friends that live behind us. Was talking to them and apparently last Monday after me and the kids left for FLA, my W and her 25 year old roommate came over to the neighborhood pool to hang out. Is my wife in reconnection??? Order of reconnection is kids, family, friends, then spouse....don't know just an observation that she is somewhat comfortable coming over to the neighborhood pool.
Our best friend Ann (not real name) talked to my W for a while but could not really talk b/c 25 yr roomie was there. W shared that she is looking for a better job and wants to get a place of her own. Also, Ann found out that 25 yr old roomie is moving by the end of July. I told Ann it would be great if she could reconnect with my W. Maybe go out to lunch, shopping, whatever.
The other thing that my W shared with Ann that Ann found puzzling or at least a distortion of the truth is that my W said that things were going great with D13. My W told Ann that "She knew D13 would eventually come around if she waited long enough". Ann wanted to say, but did not "Didn't missherlove ask D13 to contact you?" Ann just shook her head and smiled.
Ann is worried about me, and we talk about once a week and she misses my W and us as a couple, really is sad. They are starting to understand/accept that I am standing for my M.
The only other thing going on is that I am supposed to be taking the kids this coming weekend to see MIL and her husband, (MIL remarried). MIL is supportive of me and wants our M to survive and work, but has stopped pressuring my W b/c my W will shut her out. MIL has told my W before she is making a mistake.
The only snag here is that this is supposed to be W's weekend with the kids. I had asked my W last week after church, if she wanted to come along as a family. She said no. Well, unknown to me D13 asked her that night and my W told D13 that "It wouldn't be a good idea" (love that one, right up there with ILYBNILWY.) I get that sometimes too.
Well later in the week, my W texted D13 to ask her if she wanted to come to Nana's lake house with her and S10. D13 said "no" she has already made plans to go with me and S10 but W is welcome to come and join us. W told her "not a good idea again". I guess W is okay with kids going with me to see her mother, normally a very good time. Pics on the alt from last year, granted it was 2 weeks after the Bomb but still fun.
D13 now wants Mom and Dad to get back together which was a change from earlier when D13 had told me she did not want us to get back together.
Right now I am planning on taking the kids to Nana's lake house for a long weekend and since I have not heard from my W, I confirmed via email with MIL. I am not going to ask MIL if she has talked with my W. I am going to "act as if" everything is okay and assume that W does not have a problem with it. I would like it very much if my W would go, hope she changes her mind. (no expectations here, different from hope IMO)
D13 was just talking to me and said she was going to ask mom again about next weekend. I cautioned D13 about developing expectations. D13 said mom might be "planning a trip out of town" (code for she is going to meet an OM) I told D13 we don't know that and don't jump to conclusions for which you have no basis for. I think D13 might start to press my W on somethings, I want to make sure that I do not encourage my D13 to say anything to W so hopefully W does not preceive that I am using D13 to press her about our R. I know I have no control on this otherthan what I do or say around the kids.
Oh yeah, I will probably be on the road on "little friday" so may have to get a surrogate stand-in, and text from the road.
Cheers!!!
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
