I thought about this and thought about this and I guess I'm still working on detaching, completey and totally from my H. This has to be the key to this whole thing--DETACHMENT and I have to "get it" to keep moving forward.
I have to learn how to let H feel what H feels without feeling responsible for it. I have to let H be H and not take anything personally or make what H says about ME. It's not about ME it's about H.
I have to focus on ME and my son, I have to keep making ME better. The old ME is slowly disappearing.
If I could give one piece of advice to any of you struggling, it's that you MUST learn to focus on yourself. I know at times it seems impossible, but you will get through this. You cannot demand that your spouse change on your timetable. Draw your boundaries, but do not push. If your spouse genuinely wants to work this out, it will come, but in its own time. Focus on you. I cannot stress this enough. The turning point for my marriage came when things had degenerated badly enough within ME that I had to almost stop caring about my H - just temporarily. I was lost and clouded by my own misery, and obsessing over whether or not it would "work." I had to, as a matter of my own survival and mental health, pull back and let the relationship "go." Once I did that, things made a drastic turn around. I was not the pursuer. I was putting myself and my son first and it made all the difference in the world. Sometimes this is referred to as "detaching." It's scary at first. But absolutely necessary for most of us.
