Taylor, I may be wrong, but I believe the private messages capability is not working for the forum.
Now about all of the insight into his babble. He's thinking out loud and they do tend to do that while in crisis. Why? Because he's bouncing off the walls in his mind and the only way to actually "think" is to "think out loud". You've actually seen both sides of the man, i.e., Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde. You'll see that more frequently as he continues to move forward in is crisis.
What about the credit cards? Are they in both names? If so, try to get your name removed off of the ones he uses the most. You do not want to get saddled w/his debt, especially if he moves out.
Check for free consults in the yellow pages. Set up an appointment and go ask them some questions. Write your questions down and have them ready for your appointment.
You most likely may want to change your user name on here to something else to protect yourself.
You need to now focus on YOU! You are the most important person in this crisis. You are the one that will need to protect yourself, because he's not going to do it.
Puppy, To get a better picture of replay, please go to the MLC Resources...HeartsBlessings has mapped all of the stages out for readers.
Gritt, or anyone..can you tell me about the private msg thing and why mine is disabled?
You guys don't think that his being on Match.com or eharmony is a bad thing? It tells me that he doesn't care about the marriage and is trying to find someone else. WTF?
What good is focusing on myself going to do for that?
I mean yuck. At first I thought it was just the OW, now I find out he is looking for a woman 25-35 to have those kids he keeps talking about. That's why he's here..it's not to work on this with me..it's a place he can stay so he can meet other women. God..I'm such a dumba##. I NEVER in a million years would have guessed he would do these horrible things. Sneaking, lying, cheating, two-faced, assho$$. I just want to walk in there and punch him right in the face.
Snodderly, I have been to the resources and when I try to click on the links, most of them just bring me to the forum list. There were a couple that I was able to get to but most, not.
LT-I am super duper new at this, so I don't have much cred, but being in the new and panicked stage, I kinda understand your panic about what to do with yourself. I, too, haven't been working, and have been relying on H for everything so it puts us in a tricky situation. I have been reading and reading and reading and reading on here. Lots of deep breaths and journaling. Its almost as if you have to operate as if you're just out of college and there is a world of possibility out there for you. Just ignore the dating part for now. It is not easy, that is for sure, but the idea of so many possibilities kind of gets me excited and helps me to take the focus off of H. And surround yourself with activities and people who can keep your mind off of things. This week I went to a movie by myself for the first time ever! A little weird at first, but it was a nice three hour distraction! Hit up the library for good books (I have lots of recommendations)! After reading about so many others experiences on here, I can pretty confidently say that you are going to be okay!
The private message capability does not work. If you want to speak to someone off line, you will need to go to Facebook and look up the divorcebusting group.
Taylor, you have got to come to grips that he's in a crisis and he's going to do whatever it takes to make himself feel good. This is going to hurt, but I'm going to be very blunt with you....he's in his own world and that means he left the marriage emotionally a while ago. He considers himself single and you and the marriage now do not fit into his equation. We all have had to be hit between the eyes w/this knowledge.
Have you not listened to anything we've been telling you since you began posting? The ow, the phone calls/texting, etc., dating sites, lying, etc. are all part of the crisis and yes...REPLAY! I do believe he deliberately left the dating site info there for you to find. He wants you to react to his selfish, childish antics....DON'T!
You can only control yourself. You have several courses of action: 1) you can go in there and tell him to pack up his stuff and leave (which may be what he wants you to do so that he can say you were the one that put him out); or 2)start focusing on you and what you need to do to get yourself in a better place so that you can calmly make "smart" decisions about how to protect yourself.
I've been right where you are and I know exactly what he's doing for my xh did the exact same thing. BTW, my xh was nice until I hit him with separation papers and he became the angry man who would have stole the clothes off a begger if he thought it would have put me out on the street.
Taylor, the only way you can deal with this is to remain calm, cool and collected. You've got to step away from this mess right now, take a walk and do not confront him while you are feeling the way you are.
Snodderly, I have been to the resources and when I try to click on the links, most of them just bring me to the forum list. There were a couple that I was able to get to but most, not.
Taylor and Puppy, Go to page 1 of this thread and look for Old Pilot's posting. He was the second person to post you. Each and every link works.
Before you said to look for Heartsblessing's on the main page of the forum. All I see there is one from SG, and as LT says, it's mostly a vicious loop??
I checked out the one from OldPilot on the first page of THIS thread, and it redirects to Heartsblessings' stuff, but I don't see anything in there on "Replay."
