I returned home from work this morning and decided to txt W while she was at work. In the past I could remember W being concerned if I made it through a night of work safely. So I simply txt W and said "Home. See you when you get home" W did reply immediately to my surprise with "OK "
NO.. NO..NO...
Don't be texting your wife while she is at work UNLESS she texts you something first. She just tells you yesterday she wants to work things out and you go right into pursuit mode...
Work is work. When people are at work they are being paid to work, not being paid to text back and forth with friends, family and lovers.
LET her lead the texting from work. I know you don't think it was pursuit, but you are going to drive yourself AND her nuts if you can't even leave her completely alone while at work. Stop doing that.
Do you realize that sometimes even GOOD relationships need breathing space? When she is at work it is a great time for some breathing space for BOTH of you. Let HER lead the texting from her work.
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I said to W "I had not seen you in nearly 18 hours, thought I would give you a hug" W looked at me and then I said "I need to know if I am doing too little or too much"
NO NO NO... You are the MAN in the relationship. Not the woman.. You let the WOMAN tell you that you haven't seen each other in 18 hours or whatever amount of time you are apart. YOUR responsibility is to come home and be in a GOOD mood. "HI honey" how was your day'? THEN shut up and listen HAPPILY... You let HER ask you about your day. If she doesn't ask, then you keep it to yourself or use your day to keep the conversation going to keep bringing her out. You are the man. You are LEADING. You lead by being happy and mature and asking about her. Don't go overboard. Just set a pattern. When she comes in the door, say hi happily and always be in the middle of doing something. THEN when she starts talking about her day, THAT is when you stop what you are doing and just listen.
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thought I would give you a hug" W looked at me and then I said "I need to know if I am doing too little or too much"
NO NO NO... You NEVER do things like this when romancing a woman or trying to win one back. One day after you have her coming back toward you, you go right back into "I will keep trying to win you back mode".... No more asking.
For right now.. No hugs. We can discuss giving a hug later. But NOT one day after she comes back toward you. Weak weak weak... Never ask a woman if you are doing too little or too much. Most women want you to KNOW without asking. SO, you better quickly learn how to read her. It isn't that hard if you stop trying so hard and just be real. Learn to read her and you will know what to do and when to do it. Become an expert in your wife and how to read her.
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agreed with W that it is not going to be easy and I understand there is a lot of hurt.
This was good. That is the way you need to handle this for now. However, REMEMBER.. The reason you ended up having to agree with that statement is because you went and ask for too much too soon with the "texting, the asking for a hug, and then telling her to let you know if you are doing too much or too little".. You fell into that trap by yourself. The agreement with not being easy could have been avoided by just leaving her alone at work for the whole day and when she came home happily saying hi and then letting things happen on their own.
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I decided to get up and go get some breakfast and I asked W if she would also like anything. W said she did. I prepared a meal for us. W thanked me and so we sat and spoke about non-R things.
This was GOOD. It is OK NOW to do these things for her now that she has said she wants to work it out. You have been the cook for awhile so this will be ok to do. It is now ok to ask her to do things with you. The reason is that she TOLD you she wants to work it out. Now you can slowly just be a good man.
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From what I have gathered W has a lot of doubt because of the past but has at least committed to giving us another chance.
DUH?.. Come on OIN.. That is exactly what she has told you and it is how she feels. Is this a surprise? The difference between now and the last few months is that she came to YOU and she TOLD you she wants to work this out. NOW you can do many of the things that were not working for you before. Why? Because she told you she WANTED to try. Big differece now. Just don't go overboard and come on too strong.Coming on strong scares almost ALL women, not only your wife. Just be consistent and happy and give her some space. While she is at work is a great time to give her space.
