IB...My H was definetly MLC...yet he never wish-washed on wanting me after he walked out and for the next couple of years! It was only when HE was getting to the bottom that he realized that I wasn't in his life so I could not have been the reason things were so bad...I protected myself financially and got a real supporting job for the first time in my life after age 40! I did get approved for child support but as long as I was making it I never forced it with H...sometimes he would give me money but most of the time he didn't have any so there was no point in me pursuing the blood from the turnip... My H was in many ways a WAS...he said he was done...would go months with zero contact, even with kids and our son was only 9 when he left! He didn't call, write, email...nothing...at times I wondered if he was dead! All you can do is lead your life, take care of you and hope for the best...because as grim as it all seems you may not be the "rule" after all is said and done...in my heart and as hard as I tried I just could not imagine that H would not be part of my life again...even when I thought all was lost (I filed for D twice)there was always a bit of "maybe" and "what-if" left in me...and even though for a short time I had an emotional connection with man I just didn't feel the same...I just couldn't "unlove" H...it took a long time and pretty much to the point that I didn't NEED him anymore...wanted, yes...needed, no...I was content most of the time...had stopped crying on a daily basis (but still weekly), was traveling with the kids and feeling brave about my new life...all the while H was spiraling down and eventually made the decision to move back to town (which he said he would NEVER do)...it was to be closer to our son...but in reality I think he was thinking of me too...our roles had now changed...he needed me...he was in bad shape...he didn't love me but eventually he told me that he wanted to love me again...after coming home it took another year before he could tell me he loved me...was it hard? You bet it was and many times I questioned if I was making the right decision...laying my heart out on the chopping block...but in the end it worked...I took the risk and it was worth it...
What would I have done if it didn't? I would have been okay...hurt, yes...but much more confident that I would be okay and that I could stand on my own two feet and make a good life for me and my kids...and...I would have known that I had done my ALL...there would have been closure for me there...and even now...things are good...I continue to work on me, GAL, and know that I will never be helpless again...he H were to crack and be gone I would let him go and keep living my life without looking back...I gave my all the first time around...there is none left...but, I don't think I have to worry about that now...I just know inside I can do it!
Hang in there...get a life the best you can...do things with friends...have people over...do things just for you (massage is great because it takes in so many of the senses that you are missing right now, namely TOUCH)...and know that no matter what you will be okay...H may or maynot be okay...time will tell...
