I can't sleep, maybe got 3 hours and I've never felt so sick to my stomach. I'm just numb and shaking. All I know, is I don't want to see her AT ALL.
The lies just have to stop. If she wants to move out, go out, and feel wanted by other men and feel attractive then just go, but don't sit on the fence and tell me one thing but secretly do another.
Oh well, guess I'll just go dark or something. I am very unstable right now.
I can't sleep, maybe got 3 hours and I've never felt so sick to my stomach. I'm just numb and shaking. All I know, is I don't want to see her AT ALL.
The lies just have to stop. If she wants to move out, go out, and feel wanted by other men and feel attractive then just go, but don't sit on the fence and tell me one thing but secretly do another.
Oh well, guess I'll just go dark or something. I am very unstable right now.
It is very hard to detach yourself especially in the beginning of all this but it's precisely what you need to do, read the initial posts in this thread from greek and myself, you can't stop her, in fact any attempts to stop her from what she wants to do will only inspire to try harder and create even more negative feelings towards you, you need to detach and just open the front door of your house and let her be free if that's what she wants, give it to her, if you really love her, set her free - it sucks to be in this position but in the end, it is what it is and you just have to deal with it like a man.
No more phone calls in the wee hours of the night, arguing, ranting, etc. That's an emotional response which doesn't show strength on your part, it just shows you're hurt, angry and scared. You can do better than that.
This is an opportunity for you to learn a lot about yourself, about your situation, develop into someone different and better and lead a better life after all of this, it's not an overnight process, it's going to take some time and you have the benefit of a lot of wisdom from some great people on this site, soak up that knowledge like a sponge!
Well I flew off the handle last night, but in hindsight I wish I could have controlled it. This is officially the "death of the past" for me. I can't and don't want to live like this. I'm up and down...I feel guilty for saying horrible things to her; then I feel good about it; then feel sorry; etc; etc; etc. Just too much BS.
There is nothing left to do but avoid her until I can get a handle on me. She's out there NOT losing sleep and thinking about new lies so I'm just going to avoid her. She's toxic.
Ok so she came over with dissolution paperwork. We argued a little bit about the BS that happened last night and the lies, but I stood my ground. Told her that I don't want to end this marriage and asked her for a year of separation so i can figure out my options. She seems in agreement.
She's pretty resentful towards me for all the past things. She made a few snide remarks that showed it. She says she loves me as a person, but not in love with me. She also said that no matter how long goes by she has made up her mind that she is done and doesn't want to be married anymore. "I will not change my mind, once I make up my mind that's it"
Okay, so I'm cutting off all contact and going to change myself. I love her she knows it and I do want to save our marriage, but my hands are tied now. If in a year she truly doesn't change her mind at least I can prepare for it.
So based on this information and her being extremely stubborn about changing her mind thing....What's the best approach on setting her free?
I don't feel like do anything. I'm depressed and unmotivated. I don't want to drink I don't want to go outside I dont want to eat I can't sleep It's hard to even hug my dogs I feel so alone I don't have any friends anymore, because they all drink more than I do and that's their answer to problems At this actual point, I don't even feel like living. How do I deal with this? How do I start...where do I start...?
