What is wrong with being the rescuer? They are in pain. They are confussed. what is wrong with helping them?
Simple, Par. It's not good for you (doesn't work, makes you look weak and supplicating, and therefore unattractive to them) and it's not good for them, either (doesn't force them to deal with the natural consequences of their poor behavior, and so they learn nothing).
THERE is the difference ladies... I think most all of us men enjoy and like to be with a woman who thinks we are all of that and a loaf of bread... The difference is when we test you. If you fail those tests of your inner strength, then you are destined to lose him. We do need a little challenge to keep us on our toes...
What is wrong with being the rescuer? They are in pain. They are confussed. what is wrong with helping them?
Simple, Par. It's not good for you (doesn't work, makes you look weak and supplicating, and therefore unattractive to them) and it's not good for them, either (doesn't force them to deal with the natural consequences of their poor behavior, and so they learn nothing).
Other than that, it's a wonderful strategy.
Puppy
Ah, there's the saucy response that makes me giggle ... Thanks for the laugh!!!
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
I've been reading this and I'm happy to say that I've gotten my ducks in a row and I'm in the process of purchasing my home so W can move out. I'm letting go!!!
I've been struggling with my temper though, she manages to engage me in conversations that get me emotional. I'm really trying to "drop the rope" but what advice do you give couples who are stuck together in the same home.
I want to show her that I'm ok without her but she keeps dragging me down.....
M: 36 W: 29 S: 2.5 EA: 2/2010 OM1 D Bomb: 3/2010 PA: 6/2010 OM2 W moved out 8/2010 Loc: DE, USA
I'm really trying to "drop the rope" but what advice do you give couples who are stuck together in the same home.
Tell me about it. I had a hard time with this phase. I think the standard advice is going to be find things to do outside the home if you can (sometimes I am on call for a week at a time, so that made it darn near impossible for that to happen then), and keep interactions civil.
I can't wait to hear better advice than this however. That would be good. Not that it applies to me anymore, but going dim so you can heal when somebody is right there was darn near impossible for me.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I've got this issue too- living in same house for various reasons. I try to get out a lot, do my own thing when we're both home, etc. It's not perfect, but it's the best I can do when we're in the same house. Now, emotionally and mentally truly letting go, well, I'm not there yet. It's probably easier if you don't live together but if I weren't living with him, I think my thoughts and paranoia about what he's doing or who he's with would actually be MUCH worse--
