New here, not sure where to start

[irishblessings]

ltaylor,

I may not be the one you want responding here - but I do feel your pain and can hear the desperation in the tone of your posts. And you can come back to me saying "pot meet kettle":) but...

you seem to be stuck living your life "reacting" to the things your H does or says - which will never make sense. The advice given on these boards is HARD - and sometimes as hurtful as the situation itself. But it is the right advice - you can't continue reacting you have to separate yourself and start living your own life and making decisions for yourself - not waiting to decide things for you as a couple. I am a mess at this / but I know it's right. And I know that I am an emotional wreck and that the people who care about me (including those posting here) have a clearer sense of the situation than I do.

Rest, read, rest, write, rest, garden, rest, be quiet - take care of yourself and allow yourself not to worry about him.