Training for a Marathon, Hoping for a Sprint

[Greek]

Why does she want you to go on the trip but does not want to be married to you?

We share an interest in the topics of the trip and have always worked together on trips like this.

I just think it would be beneath you to give her that 'social' blanket. She would be too embarrassed to take him, but you on her arm is socially acceptable. Nah. She's cake eatin'. You have plans on those days - book a trip to the beach for yourself!

Does she want you both?

No, she has made it clear to me that she has made a choice and it isn't me.

Go dark on her...I'll bet she's not nearly as sure as she said she is.

Which calls to mind - now that she is living with someone else, has she filed for D?

No. One, she has no grounds based on her assessment of my performance as her husband and two, she has expressed that she does not want to make any decisions like that for a long time. Accounts are still joint, Beneficiaries are staying the same, we are both still paying the same bills we payed before. Btw, she makes about double what I do, so it isn't for her own financial benefit that she wants to wait.

And you are supposed to sit and wait for her to be ready to make that move? I'm with the fellas who suggest you give her the speech. "W, I have decided that I will not live in an open M. Your actions are disrespectful to our M and I will not support what you are doing. I will interview lawyers first thing Monday morning and set about ending this intolerable arrangement." Then don't take calls, don't answer texts and don't visit her at work. Goodness don't go on that trip. Take yourself out to update your wardrobe, spiff up, and GAL. You - you - you have some healing to do, don't you MC? She's not the only one who has been through the worst nightmare. You have, too, and you need to process the next steps, too. Waiting for her to tell you how it's going to be is not an option.

Greek

[lookin4support]

I'm not ready to say I am not going, but if the circumstances remain what they are now I don't believe I will be. I am set up for IC beginning 7/19 and plan to use that to open up about both this sitch and the grief I have over the death of our son. In all honesty, the two most painful things I think a person can go through are the death of a child and their spouse cheating/leaving and I get to deal with both in the space of 8 months. It's a wonder I'm not in a padded room.

[TimeHeals]

I'm just wondering what God told you about those vows you two took including the part about "forsaking all others".

You know, since you are so chummy with God, and he's telling you what to do and all.

[TimeHeals]

Stay strong. Pray for strength.

We are praying for you too. I know I sound a little cynical sometimes, but looking at the mistakes I made... if I could do it all over again....

Fight for your M.

[Dudess]

And you are supposed to sit and wait for her to be ready to make that move? I'm with the fellas who suggest you give her the speech. "W, I have decided that I will not live in an open M. Your actions are disrespectful to our M and I will not support what you are doing. I will interview lawyers first thing Monday morning and set about ending this intolerable arrangement." Then don't take calls, don't answer texts and don't visit her at work. Goodness don't go on that trip. Take yourself out to update your wardrobe, spiff up, and GAL. You - you - you have some healing to do, don't you MC? She's not the only one who has been through the worst nightmare. You have, too, and you need to process the next steps, too. Waiting for her to tell you how it's going to be is not an option.

Greek

I agree. Love her and yourself enough to stand strong for your marriage vows.

Two days later, I packed all her stuff and was ready to take it to her when I called a Christian MC and talked through my actions with him. He talked me down, which I feel is what I wanted

Be careful when it seems God is telling you that what you, (and your fears and desires), want you to do, is what God wants you to do. In my experience, it is when every bone in my body screams "Noooooooo!" that I am really hearing what God is telling me.


You have been handed some tough blows. I am really sorry that you are going through this.

[lookin4support]

Well, I did actually sleep about seven hours last night, so that is good. I am not looking forward to meeting her to trade off the dogs this morning, especially since I know that this will be the last time I see her for who knows how long. But I am strong and I know I need to GAL. I plan to tell her I am not going on the trip if circumstances remain as they are. I think that will be a surprise to her because I have really been pointing to this trip as a chance for us to be together and try to sort some things out. I now realize none of that matters as long as she is with him. Though my end goal is the same (save the marriage) my approach from this day forward has to be about me and moving forward in my life.

Only positive out of this whole thing is that I have been working on losing weight and getting in better shape since March and had lost 25 pounds when she left. Since then (18 days) I have lost another 19 pounds and am at my lowest weight in over 20 years. Now I just need to make sure that I get back to working out and losing it the right way.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I'm not ready to say I am not going, but if the circumstances remain what they are now I don't believe I will be. I am set up for IC beginning 7/19 and plan to use that to open up about both this sitch and the grief I have over the death of our son. In all honesty, the two most painful things I think a person can go through are the death of a child and their spouse cheating/leaving and I get to deal with both in the space of 8 months. It's a wonder I'm not in a padded room.

I give you credit, L4S. You are obviously a man of strength and integrity.

I know you'll do the right thing.

For the record, I"m with Greek.

Puppy

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I'm just wondering what God told you about those vows you two took including the part about "forsaking all others".

You know, since you are so chummy with God, and he's telling you what to do and all.

TH,

This was just cruel.

Puppy

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Only positive out of this whole thing is that I have been working on losing weight and getting in better shape since March and had lost 25 pounds when she left. Since then (18 days) I have lost another 19 pounds and am at my lowest weight in over 20 years. Now I just need to make sure that I get back to working out and losing it the right way.

Agree. What is your current height and weight, L4S?

Make sure you keep eating protein, and taking a good multivitamin/multi-mineral, and getting some exercise. You don't want to lose muscle mass. Working out can be great for not only your health, but your self-esteem! Me and the gym got REALL well-acquainted during my wife's affair, lol!

Puppy

[lookin4support]

Currently 5'10" and about 238. I was a baseball player in HS and College (catcher) and have always carried my weight well, but enough was enough. I have coached multiple sports for several years, so I have always been very active. After basketball season ended this year, I was doing a lot of desert with meals and just decided it was time to get in better condition. Either way this works out, my life will be better for that decision.

I take a Men's vitamin, fish oil, and an aspirin everyday. Had a complete physical the beginning of June and my physician was pleased with all of the bloodwork and with my progress to that point. I go back in a couple of weeks for a followup on one number that was borderline, but I believe that will be ok. Actually dropped one of two BP medications after the physical. I have had my BP checked regularly the past couple of weeks out of concern that this situation may have pushed it back too high, but it hasn't.

Off to drop off the dogs, go to church, and have lunch with my son (22) and his friends.

Have a great day, everyone.