WAW is coming over later today as usual on Sunday to bring groceries for kids and I and make dinner. I plan on having "the talk" with her today.
I have my script almost prepared and will do my best to stick to it. I am going to tell her that things seemed to be getting better before we went away, but now I realize not truly better. We were not building a better relationship built on mutual respect and admiration - she was just being nicer to me and that made me feel good.
But...whenever she isn't doing so, I feel bad about myself. While I am quite confident in other areas of my life, I lose my confidence around her. I feel like I am always trying to please her, and that is no way for me to live. So, I need us to be separate during our separation - no more dating, dinners, touching. I want to remain friends and if possible, still be able to do things with our kids at some point, but right now I need to let her go completely, I need space and I need to focus on my life without her.
I will admit that I still care for her, but since I will never be the man she wants me to be, we will never be truly happy together, so really being separate is the best solution.
I will do my best to say all of this in a polite, caring friendly manner and not be bitter or angry. Just accepting of the reality that became so clear to me during our trip to Mexico last week.
I am finally willing to let go.
I am a little nervous and want to make sure I say things the right way at the right time. Cross your fingers for me.
