Thanks for the article by Penny Tupy, Allen. I had used her website to craft my exposure and confrontation - she has a lot of good ideas. And I don't think they are "chatting" at work. I think when they have to talk it is more like "who is going to work on this part of the project" and most of those conversations are via e-mail, not in person. I know they have had a few meetings that they are both in, with other people as well, that he said they don't sit next to each other in anymore.
As far as your question about repairs - what kind of repairs do you mean? So far he has acted very sorry about what has happened and has been willing to talk with me about the affair as much as I have asked. He has asked me to take his Blackberry and computer up to my room at night so I know he's not talking with her, etc. He deleted the IM program from his computer (their main form of communication outside of work). I think he would very much like to help ease my pain some, but I haven't really known what would help, as right now my pain is still divided between the affair and the divorce.
I just would feel more comfortable if I had some kind of plan...
