(((((((Cathy)))))))), didn't have a chance to go back to your old thread, but from what I can see, you've been going through some crazy stuff lately...
The one thing that leapt out at me, but which may be totally off base as I haven't read your thread, is that you *need* your H's respect to feel good about yourself.
You are trying to figure out how to change him, control him, to get it. You are afraid of requiring it because you are afraid of losing him, so you are afraid to set some boundaries.
What would happen if you merely reported when you did not feel respected: H, that doesn't work for me, I don't feel appreciated or respected. I would like to feel repected by you.
Set a boundary: how long will you wait for him to show you respect? Then, when he doesn't, it is your choice to experience that, not something he is imposing on you.... hmmmmm... do you see?
Also, try to detach simply from his disrespectfulness. I have no idea what your style is — but assume a woman stuck in the 80s stylewise, big hair, shoulder pads, etc..., or a 15 year old trying to recreate the height of the punk rock scene, criticized a great new haircut you'd just gotten. Wouldn't you just laugh? How silly, how out of touch.... It wouldn't affect you or your ability to be friends... Your H is just as out of touch with your worth. Your worth is not contingent on him getting in touch with it.
Of course, you want an M with respect in it. Step back, report your feelings, ask for what you want, and see what happens. Do not be afraid to set a boundary, or you will never get a new R that is what YOU want.
I don't know if I NEED H's respect as much as I WANT H's respect.
What would happen if you merely reported when you did not feel respected: H, that doesn't work for me, I don't feel appreciated or respected. I would like to feel respected by you. I like this, this does feel comfortable for me.
Also, try to detach simply from his disrespectfulness. I have no idea what your style is — but assume a woman stuck in the 80s stylewise, big hair, shoulder pads, etc..., or a 15 year old trying to recreate the height of the punk rock scene, criticized a great new haircut you'd just gotten. Wouldn't you just laugh? How silly, how out of touch.... It wouldn't affect you or your ability to be friends... Your H is just as out of touch with your worth. Your worth is not contingent on him getting in touch with it.
I know my worth isn't contingent on H's getting in touch with it, but H is out of touch with my worth. I heard H talk about OW, once, and the things he says he likes about her, are the exact same things that I am!! It's frustrating, H just refuses to see the real me or I should say won't admit that I do have worth. I work very hard at my job, we have our slow times and our busy times, H thinks I don't do anything but goof off!! If I goof off so much how come I've been promoted three times in the last nine years...maybe that's not many times, but I work for the state and you pretty much have to run a department to get promoted!
I can't just walk away either, I guess, I would never do this to a friend when H is being disrepsectful.
What I need to do is detach from H's disrespectfulness and not take it personally.
Quote: You are trying to figure out how to change him, control him, to get it. You are afraid of requiring it because you are afraid of losing him, so you are afraid to set some boundaries.
EXACLTY, as this might just break the camels back. This is my biggest fear! My last fear to conquer as this could really either make or break us, but I must set my boundaries NOW. There is no time like the present, this will also require me to really, I mean really listen to my H.
