Oh, Barkley. I'm so very, very sorry for what you are going through. I've been in your shoes; our situations are so alike, it's unbelievable to me, and I know the pain you are feeling. I know the sadness and fear that you are feeling for yourself and for your kids hurts worse than any emotional pain you ever imagined possible.
My husband spent a year acting much like your wife; we would go on family vacations and even trips for just the two of us, and he would act completely normal. Then, when we returned home, he would be back to acting like an "alien," as you described your wife's behavior. Finally, a year after I found out about his affair, he filed for divorce and informed me by text message that he had filed the next day as I was picking up our kids from school. He had slept in the same bed with me the night he had filed without me knowing!
We also live in Texas, in a small city, and dealing with the gossip and our children's emotions and the fear of being on my own was overwhelming. Each day was hard, sleep wasn't possible without Ambien. All I wanted to do was stay in bed and pull the covers over my head and cry. I couldn't eat, and I lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks (and I didn't have the weight to lose in the first place). I was devastated that my children were going to be from a divorced family; it just wasn't something that had happened in my family and certainly not a part of the fairy tale I had dreamed.
But, I did the things I knew I had to do. I got up every morning, took a shower, put on makeup and clothes that made me feel good about myself, went and worked out, met with attorneys and realtors and opened a bank account and got a credit card in my name. And I froze my husband out completely. When we were together (I kicked HIM out of the house since he wanted the divorce), it was all business about the kids, and I wouldn't even look him in the eye. I couldn't. I told him we weren't in agreement on wanting a divorce, but I was prepared to deal with it. My life would move on.
To make a long story not quite as long, he came back asking for forgiveness two weeks later and he dropped the divorce. We've had our share of problems since then (you've been kind to be supportive on my posts), but I now know that if this does come again, I can survive it. My kids can survive it, because they have two parents who love them and extended family and friends who love them.
You can survive this, too, whether you get back together or not with your wife. Your kids can survive this. I can tell from your posts that you have family who loves you and the kids. Meet with an attorney and find out your rights. You will feel better then. And keep posting, friend. We support you and will help you through this the best we can. There are so many here who have much better advice than new people like me, but I can still send you a virtual hug and tell you I'm in your corner. God bless you. Stay strong.... ap10
